How to get rid of certain so called friends? they need me only when they require help and shit

My Heart goes out to you, I suffer from this friendship type too. I have an older friend over our road. she has been off her wheels just now recovering from minor surgery, she has a son who can easily drive over and help her with shopping etc. only he rarely does. I like her welll enough but her favourite conversation topic to me is guilt trips. example I WISH YOU AD INVITED ME TOO WITH YOUR FRIENDS, I AM REALLY FED UP ALL DAY ALONE, MY SON IS SO WORRIED ABOUT ME , HE PHONES ME DOZENS OF TIMES , MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS THROUGH THE ROOF AS MY FEET ARE BAD I CANNOT MANAGE TO GET OUT I IF ONLY YOU WERE THERE....MY OLDER FRIEND CAME TO MY SIDE AT THE GRAVESIDE OF ANOTHER FRIEND`S FUNERAL WHEN YOU HAD TO LEAVE TO GO HOMETO WALK YOUR LAME DOG.
I am at my wits end dreaming up a good sincere punchline to let this needy friend know I can do only so much for her. Hope you find the answer to your problem very soon good luck

By your question, seems like you don't wish being part of their lives any longer. If your so-called friends are there only when they need help etc and nothing else beyond that, then, they aren't your friends. Either you tell them how you really feel about it all or avoid them when they call and stuff, they'll end up getting the picture. Look at it this way; one loss friend, and ten gained.

I have friends like that and i just don't bother, they can hang around with me anytime and u know chat. It's not like they are ur best friends. Just take it cool and pretend they are only some people you know...

tell them politely that you are sick of being treated that way and you wont take their shit anymore

The answer is in your question. Give them the shit.

What is ****? Can't answer till I know.

come on man... don you love playing GOD?