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Genuine opinion please

Why do you think extra marital affairs exist? What could be the possible reasons? Let's be fair and square without being biased.
Feel free to back your views without disrespecting what others believe.
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hartfire Best Comment
Many reasons.

The most common is that, after about two years, many couples know each other's most reliable routes to satisfaction. They repeat the template that works best, and that familiarity and predictability begins to erode the excitement.
When they get into daily domestic routines that increases the same effect. If they start to take each other for granted and not show appreciation, genuine warmth, good will and affection, that begins to tip the relationship into the negative.
If they have kids, that reduces privacy and increases stress and exhaustion, which is a major turn off. It starts to take effort to organise a date and time alone. Some partners fail or forget how necessary that is.
If they start to quarrel and don't learn good communication and conflict resolution skills, the ill feeling will kill their desire for each other. Most people don't learn how to actively listen with empathy either at home or in school, and it's not visible in culture. So the only way to learn is to seek it out and become proactive with daily practise.

Some couples have unequal libido. That's a bad match.

Not all people are raised with monogamy as their moral or ethic - some are polyamorous, polygamous, polyandrous - or just bohemian and free.
It's important not to assume someone's values are the same when dating a new person. If you like them and are thinking of starting something, ask the important questions before getting involved. That includes their relationship and sexual history.

Some situations are exceptional. If a partner becomes ill or incapable of sex, perhaps needing full-time care, it would be cruel to expect the carer-partner to be celibate.

Long distance relationships.
Frequent long term absences, for instance, for work.

Some people are born with less oxytocin - they can't bond well. They stray easily and can't form solid long term relationships. One sign is that they show zero jealousy.
LongHairedCougar · 51-55, F
@hartfire by far the most nicely put thoughts that actually make a lot of sense.. thanks for penning it down my love ❤️
This message was deleted by its author.
@sunriselover Mmm.

Good points about carers. But I do wonder whether a young man who goes without sex for 13 or more years might perhaps have lower than average libido - or whether the work of caring has drained his energy.
If a person is devout and sincere in their religion, then I could believe that some [i]might[/i] choose celibacy even if it causes them suffering.

Aware of mortality. Could perhaps be true, but I have a hard time believing it.
I became aware of mortality as a child. I saw my father kills snakes that had entered the house in summer. I saw dead birds in the bush. Our dog, Carmen, was hit by a car when I was 8. I saw my father cease trying to drown my mother in the swimming pool when I was 9. And at 14 my father died. For me, it is incomprehensible that any human can grow up unaware of mortality, even if only via the news media. I think a person would have to be in profound denial or rather stupid to not realise that the body ages, hormones diminish, beauty fades, disease will hit most of us at some point, disability comes to most who live long enough, and death is unavoidable.

Easily flattered. That also strikes me as odd. Any person who falls for flattery from anyone for any reason is an idiot. Flattery, by definition, is insincere - it's only motive is ulterior, to use or con the mark. Most people know their own assets and desirability. If someone has emotional maturity they want a deep relationship with someone who is equally mature; they won't fall for the superficial.
This message was deleted by its author.
@sunriselover Wow! That's huge journey - tragic in some ways.
You must have incredible strength of character to have endured so long, and great integrity with your faith.
I do understand the fatigue - how it slowly erodes. Ari and I cared for my mother 24/7 during her last 18 months of high dependency. Barely a breath of time compared to your epic. And yet we too were sleep deprived and utterly exhausted by the end.

Yes, I do tend to forget about support networks. I have witnessed how for some people a strong church congregation can be a brilliant support. I've also seen others, like Hillsong, where believers betray and rip off their own.
I'm very sorry to hear that your community rejected you, especially when it was your wife's choice to end it.

I have only my husband of 40 years. Neither he nor I have family. Mine are non-existent, except for a distant sister with severe NPD. Both my parents were the last survivors of families dying out due to dysfunction. Ari's live mostly in Israel, with one niece 1895 kilometers away. We never had kids. I was infertile. We do have a network of friends, but would not call on them in an emergency. At our age, they have too many of their own needs.
Ari and I do support each other through our ups and downs. He's 11 years older. If he developed dementia or some other high care condition, I would prefer to care for him rather than see him go into institutional care. He knows it.
And the safety net, should one of us die, would be our government's systems - highly flawed but better than nothing. Though, if I was the survivor, I'd rather euthanize myself than end up in a palliative ward.
@LongHairedCougar Wow! Thanks for theBest Comment! :)

Actually, I think you asked a great question. It's triggered some very interesting answers.
LongHairedCougar · 51-55, F
@hartfire it deserved that
Similarname · 46-50, M
@hartfire
Wow, what thoughtful & detailed comments!