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Pressured into knocking up a 39 year old by older community women

A couple of years ago when I was still living in pretty much total isolation and depressed with severe relationship angst a chinese girl in town wanted to join the Air Force, and being a Army vet it was referred to me for whatever silly reason via the public library via my god mother who used to work there. So I talked her through it over the phone, and it took a few hours. I'm apparently the only guy in that town who knew anything about China, both contemporary and historically.

I really didn't think she would make it in because she slightly walked like a duck (which suggests a physical issue), I looked at her once with a quizzical suppressed smirk on my face, but she was skinny, tall for a asian and had a good face and voice. She knew I liked Mongolian Beef as it was the only food I ever ate when she was a server at one of the chinese restaurant in town, and she likely knew I tutored a different older chinese couple in English at a different Chinese restaurant.

I think nothing of her other than being one of the vaguely available women somwwhat my age about, and find out she gets divorced at the age of 39 (didn't know she was married), and wants a baby. And she wants to bring her mother to the country. AFTER she divorces her living, breathing sperm bank of a husband. Who does that at that age? You pragmatically have the baby first, then you leave him. You got the baby ingredients right there.

So I hear this and I'm confused but let it pass as mild background gossip. Not really interested.

So guess who gets drafted by all the older women into dating her? Me. Why? Cause I talked to her about military recruiting once for a few hours.

And this made me very uncomfortable because with her at 39 (I was slightly younger) I basically would have no time for small talk, would have to immediately impregnate her. And I walked passed that library a few times when she was supposed to be there not knowing I would drop by, and my anxiety kept me circling and I didn't go in. This wasn't even a blind date, at least I didn't think she knew I was stopping by. But like.... everyone was pushing me to stud her. Older women. What ever happened to romance, taking time to get to know someone. Dating a 39 year old woman wanting a child, you gotta instantly have your shuff together and be ready to roll. I was not. I wasn't even thinking about her the day previously.

And she rejected a "friend" of mine twice. Sorta a friend, I would sometimes bring him on security gigs to work, he was a INTJ like me, but was slightly younger and fitter. She rejected a better version of me. So why would she want me?

So I never went in, never saw her again, I hope she got pregnant by someone else. I don't mind marrying a foreigner, but it can't be from a country that isn't safe for me to travel to, because eventually she'll want me to travel there with her. My Grandfather married a Vietnamese woman and it worked out fantastic for them, but Vietnam isn't a crazy country like China is.

I'm thinking of this now because there is a Guatemalan woman who is on a work visa who keeps staring at my chest. Actually it's my waist then chest, then my face, and back to my chest again. Not short glaces, she stares. I don't think she speaks much English, and I'm not attracted to her and pretty sure she just wants a Green Card. That would likely end in divorce and child support payments. She's a little disgusting too because she uses the men's locker room and came in as I started taking my shirt kff, used our restroom, and I could hear her burps and farts echo in the back.

I'm at 41 now, just starting to socially open up again, and such a woman seems like the only way I'd have kids. Otherwise it's 40 something American women, who I largely resigned myself to living with in the future, and not having kids, or adopting her kids. I'm not upset or depressed too much about that, but I got this weird repressed impregnation thing going on since I knew that asian girl, since it was a situation where I would be socially cohersed into knocking her up. Her face wasn't bad looking, and I was considering it, wasn't completely opposed, just 90% opposed. But it isn't something I think about much, it's a very rare fantasy that pops up.

I'm still uncomfortable with older women pushing me into doing it, I didn't understand that phenomena. Supposed to be all prim and proper and high minded and all lf a sudden I gotta toss all this etiquette and social reasoning they as a group enforce on society to the wind and just unload inside this woman I barely know and make a life long committment, right now, no time to think, because I was nice in being a mentor. No time to waste. Meet her, shake hands, sweep the stuff off the table behind her, and knock her up right then and there. The previously held rules on relationships, you can toss that to the wind if she left her husband (how do I know if he is better or worst than me) and wants a child RIGHT NOW. Right, right now.

I'm feeling grumpy. Good night.

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