I Lost My Religion

I've always been a really spiritual person. A few years ago I deconverted from my fundamentalist faith that I have had all of my adult life. I left the church because of its stand on LGBT people like me.

Today I went back. I'm not sure what possessed me to go back, but I found a church in town and went and visited. I still don't believe it. I still feel like it's a lot of people believing things that aren't true.

But the worship... I couldn't keep myself from crying. I cried about a half a dozen times during the service. And about a half a dozen times through the rest of my day today. I'm not sure why it affected me so much, but it really did.

If God is real, why are things so screwed up in the world? But if there is no God, how did we all get here? I don't think asking these sorts of existential questions is very valuable. There doesn't seem to be any answer.

So I'm left with... yeah, I don't buy this church stuff. I won't believe what someone tells me to believe about God just because someone tells me. But then why was it so emotional for me today?

I don't know. I just really didn't expect that.