I do not want to be a church leader.
See that? Those people that He dared to call His sheep? I do not wish to shepherd them because that is too big a responsibility.
I was a life group leader before. Even as one, I can't really say I cared solely for the sake of caring for another. Back then, I was in college. I did what I had to. Attend trainings. Attend life groups. Conduct my own life group meetings. Try to find new people to invite to the life group. Spread the knowledge and try to get disciples.
In the end, I was the kind of leader who shared and helped them when they want me to. But who never force them to attend church or do things. Or at least, I think I didn't.
But in my case, as a member of someone else's life group, it was different. Because we were kind of guilt tripped to always attend and do things. I don't know. But it didn't feel right, even then.
The time came when I stopped going to that church. I'm not saying they didn't do me any good. Cause honestly, I got to know God more. But I also realized then that even leaders may not wish the best for you. Leaders are humans. Humans have motives.
I thought even with the long distance, my cell leader would still be like an elder sister to me. She wasn't. Even when we met on occasions, I realized that all her kindness were not really meant to keep me. But because she wanted me to be doing something while under her.
It kinda made me feel cheated.
Now, I'd rather not call myself a leader. I am even hesitant to be active on the new churches I try to attend.
I think if you understand what it means to be a leader, how much God really cares for His sheep, you would go up far and beyond. You would not abandon.
So I have learned to hold on to what I know of God and what He made and makes me feel.
I try to learn. New things. New lessons from mistakes. Sometimes, it's relearning what I used to know by heart. Sometimes, it's getting a new perspective of the world. But mostly, I have learned not to try to force myself into doing things I am torn to do.
So if you ask me now, I do not want to be a church leader.
But God has made a princess warrior out of me. So I would continue to be it, in hopes to become queen one day. My hope is to inspire and help others by trying to live right and decent, as much as I am able.
Sometimes, I wish I could meet people who understood the same. Cause what use would it be to you to be called a leader if you become so comfortable to call yourself a shepherd, when really shepherds are meant to be servants, and all you wanted was glory?
I was a life group leader before. Even as one, I can't really say I cared solely for the sake of caring for another. Back then, I was in college. I did what I had to. Attend trainings. Attend life groups. Conduct my own life group meetings. Try to find new people to invite to the life group. Spread the knowledge and try to get disciples.
In the end, I was the kind of leader who shared and helped them when they want me to. But who never force them to attend church or do things. Or at least, I think I didn't.
But in my case, as a member of someone else's life group, it was different. Because we were kind of guilt tripped to always attend and do things. I don't know. But it didn't feel right, even then.
The time came when I stopped going to that church. I'm not saying they didn't do me any good. Cause honestly, I got to know God more. But I also realized then that even leaders may not wish the best for you. Leaders are humans. Humans have motives.
I thought even with the long distance, my cell leader would still be like an elder sister to me. She wasn't. Even when we met on occasions, I realized that all her kindness were not really meant to keep me. But because she wanted me to be doing something while under her.
It kinda made me feel cheated.
Now, I'd rather not call myself a leader. I am even hesitant to be active on the new churches I try to attend.
I think if you understand what it means to be a leader, how much God really cares for His sheep, you would go up far and beyond. You would not abandon.
So I have learned to hold on to what I know of God and what He made and makes me feel.
I try to learn. New things. New lessons from mistakes. Sometimes, it's relearning what I used to know by heart. Sometimes, it's getting a new perspective of the world. But mostly, I have learned not to try to force myself into doing things I am torn to do.
So if you ask me now, I do not want to be a church leader.
But God has made a princess warrior out of me. So I would continue to be it, in hopes to become queen one day. My hope is to inspire and help others by trying to live right and decent, as much as I am able.
Sometimes, I wish I could meet people who understood the same. Cause what use would it be to you to be called a leader if you become so comfortable to call yourself a shepherd, when really shepherds are meant to be servants, and all you wanted was glory?
