i just want to be loved

i'm pretty sure people like me but not in "that" way. maybe its because i'm ugly and fat and i don't reach their standards at all. i'm not only ugly and fat, my personality's shit and that is something i cant really control or do anything about it. i just want someone to love me for who i am and understands me. i don't care about looks i care about loyalty and bare minimum. I don't think anyone would like me. i mean its understandable. i hate myself. i hate how i'm so desperate for love. i hate how i'm so ugly. i hate how i'm really overweight for a 12 year old, i'm pathetic. i don't even know why i'm still alive. i have no reason to live like AT ALL. i'm confused, why am i even hesitating and why i feel scared to die. my head is literally spinning and it wont stop spinning. it feels like my brain is going to explode due to the amount of stupid and useless bullshit i'm overthinking about all the time.