Why do some people/couples stay together?

More than likely his abuse has made her believe that she has no way out. He has limited her interactions with family and friends to the point that she doesn’t believe there is any help for her.

I would have interrupted his berating and talked her ear off after I went to the front desk to tell the guy working that we needed to get the man to back off. Then, when I left, I would call a cop friend of mine to do a few wellness checks on her. He would not need one though…he would be away from home and available for a dark alley discussion sometime.

Prolonged verbal abuse can corrode a sense of self to the point that the person feels trapped, worthless and unable to believe they deserve any better.

I think sometimes in really toxic relationships, for people who honestly don't know what to do, it can be hard for some people to understand what their options actually are. They've been broken down for so long. And the bad cycle of bad interactions just keeps on repeating.

Some people believe they will never have a good life and whatever crap relationship they are in is as good as it gets. And they believe they should be grateful for it. because they've likely been broken down to believe that.

All they can feel is truly trapped, and like they have to spend every moment walking on eggshells or being shit on, no matter what they do. Sometimes people see no way out. In my experience it makes people either give up, or mean and bitter. or both.

These are people that honestly need help.
They are people who hurt others and don't understand what they are doing to others. They don't see abuse as abuse. They don't see it as hurtful. They see it as justifiable that they verbally abuse, or physically abuse or sexually abuse someone. On top of it, in most abusive relationships...the person who hurts you is also the person who comforts you. It's a manipulative form of comfort since it also involves gaslighting you into thinking it's your fault. But sometimes that little bit keeps it going.

As for why people like this stay together? Maybe he gets off on being controlling and bullying her and knowing she'll stay because he controls her. Maybe he honestly can't handle even the slightest upheaval in his life and is just an all around bastard, even though she is taking care of the issue, but he needs to feel in control of it. Maybe he does dislike her, but feels responsible to be there, but not enough to treat her well or have any positive or productive communication. Some people are honestly like that. Maybe she feels stuck. it can be really scary to leave and feel like you have absolutely nothing...because it feels like you're putting yourself in the position of having even less then the current crap you're stuck in. Rather than feeling like you're getting out and getting freedom. Because sometimes you don't know what that feels like because you've never experienced it in your life. or it's been so long.

Why do people like this stay together? Ultimately, because people don't educate others on their options and rights, because people don't realize that they can leave. that they can build a life for themselves and be free from shit like that. Because people aren't always taught to be strong for themselves. Or taught to regulate their emotions. Or to be kind and empathetic, or how to communicate. or how to deal with problems that come up in a constructive way. Because people don't watch out for other people and help them. Because people tear each other down, or don't do anything at all. Both men and women are rarely taught how to handle things like this. I think i read somewhere that 50 percent of people have no idea how to handle an actual toxic relationship because of their upbringing. Luckily some of those people figure it out on their own or someone helps them eventually, but some aren't so lucky.

I figure the best thing I can do is check in on people if I see a problem...and someday when I have kids, I'm going to teach them to be strong, and find joy in life and others, and reach out for help when they need it. Because sometimes life and people are full of shit. And that sometimes there is no right course of action. you just do the best you can, learn from mistakes, because you should be safe to make mistakes, and safe to try to fix it the best you can or move on, and you learn to live with it, by being true to yourself and learning and growing and finding ways to cope if needed, rather than passively or aggressively abusing yourself or others.

he probably conditioned her over time and she was already having self-worth issues

in a way they fill each others need in a way I wouldn't find fulfilling

Convenience for other aspects of their lives?
Didn't want to change what they're used to?
Better to have a partner than being alone?

It could be any or many of these things.

Trauma bond. The cycle of abuse is incredibly hard to break. She may have no support to leave. She may have children she believes she is protecting by buffering them from abuse.

I know someone in that situation and for her, its because he provides a roof over her head and they have 4 kids. She works full time. He's buddies with the police and if she left him, he would get them even tho he is super critical of her, their kids and everyone else. Hes a mean man but she feels helpless. My hub and I have offered her to pack up the kids and move in with us but she fears he would get custody because everyone thinks hes a good man, hes very intelligent, a fast talker and can talk people into anything. So she stays...

In this case it is probably like the boiling frog theory.
The abuse is progressive and happens over time.

Fear of change or just plain old fear? To often they have glimpses of hope that it'll get better? Because they cared at the start? Social stigma? Believe divorce is wrong?

... aaaand another remark by Helen the revolutionary:
I've read the comments in this thread and I think some of you don't want to see the willingness of many women to be oppressed. These women even reproach other women who want to be free. They see their submission as a virtue, a moral standard all women should abide by.
Some said he's controlling her mind but I think he never had to – she's fully self-controlled, and she would have left him long ago if she wasn't.
Dixi et salvavi animam mean.

His behaviour is controlling and she's become conditioned to believe she deserves it, as a result she likely doesn't have the mental strength left to see her way out, she's too busy trying to withstand what he does to her to have anything left to make her escape from this bully.

I often wonder the same thing... In the past it was often because marriage was sacred. Maybe that's still the reason, or now it may also be financial dependence. Or it could be denial, hope that it will get better. Who knows? But it's very sad to see people put up with relationships like that.

He was unwilling to look at how she had taken care of it, was responsible, he just belittled and berated her. She will have enough one day, and move on when shes ready

Sometimes the rut you know is more comfortable than some other rut.

And look at @Pretzel's reply. A lot of sad dependent relationships are based upon fear.

Marriage is a beautiful relationship. People have underestimated it’s importance.

She should have left him 15 years ago, but something tells me that more than only a few women feel quite right as victims of oppression. They think they are "only" women, they don't deserve any better. They are proud of it...

Haha; It's one aspect of human behavior, which can be inexplicable, so you often won't 'get it.' - "Just stroll on by'"

For the sax.

[media=https://youtu.be/vMVrQKDu36k]

Maybe it was a snapshot. We don't know the full story. It doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour tho.