My sexual conumbrum
I've been married for 33 years. We're done with the obnoxious fighting, selfishness, accusations &c. that make all marriages tedious at times Every marriage has it's ups & downs, mountains & valleys. However, as time goes on, wounds are healed & eventually the couple reaches a state of harmony & peace with fewer incidents of emotional outbursts. I believe that those who make a commitment to their vows will be able to keep the marriage going longer than those who merely promise. As the saying goes, promises are made to be broken. The reason this is so frequently true is because a promise is a pact made between two or more people which, sans a contract with strict repercussions, any or either party can violate the promise at any time for any reason. Even something as simple as a New Years resolution is a promise made so that other people become the party from which you owe nothing to continue the weakness of promise.
With a commitment, things are very different. I have pointed out that I believe that promises are easily fallible. However, a commitment has only one person with whom to share it's exegesis. One makes a commitment to oneself. You need not share the contents of a commitment to any one. You are free to tell others that your behavior is guided by a pact you made with yourself & no one else. A commitment is accompanied by virtues on the order of courage, self-respect, love if self, self examination, a truthful valuation of your ability to reach completion, also a resolute strength of character, & an abiding inner peace of mind & body. Promises require no virtue or virtuous activity. The attributes of virtues, then, shares a similarity of a contract between two or more parties in that the parties are you & your good conscience. You can call conscience any if the following: psyche, innermost self, or even soul. Seen in the light of attributes that can only be aspects of yourself & no one else.
When we got married, in October, 1988, I decided that were tie the knot at the village court l house by judge. Religious people who get married in churches, synagogues, or mosques wherein they make there vows not only each other, but to the particular god associated with the religion for which the edifice was consecrated. Neither my bride nor I were particularly invested in any religion. My desire to have a secular marriage was due to the actual accountability of all marriages in the United States remained in the hands of the state. At the wedding, the judge read the standard script. Everything went fine until the litany of care & devotion between my soon to be wife & myself. The judge asked my bride "do you"do this>do that, & she replied "I do". But when the judge asked all those "do questions", I responded with a hearty "I will".I will is an indication of commitment. It's more direct than "I'll try" or "I'll do my best" even though your best may not even compare to someone whose best is born out of a commitment.
So, you're asking, what does any of this have to do with the topic. Allow me to divulge the problem that has arisen in the sweetness of my advancing age. I'll try to be brief.
In 2003, we went to Ireland for 10 days. Right after that, ate 52 years old, I finally earned my Bachelor's Degree with honors from Northwestern Universiy. That was two events I'll charism unto the last of my days
There was a third event to make it a hat trick. But this event was not so joyful if not somewhat deviating for me. It happened ina sudden blow: my wife decreed that we didn't have to have sex any more, & so I began my journey through a sexless marriage. For the first 18 years, i was something akin to a eunuch. Most of that period of time i was in bad shape & excruciating pain. All through my trials through hospitals, in patient physical therapy, outpatient P.T. & wound care. There were doctor appointments & appointments with medical specialists & a constant stream of tests like MRI, CT scans, bone scans, &c. Through it all my wife had to drive me to these destinations. Also,every day i was in an inpatient facility, my wife came & stayed for hours. She really watched out for me. My appreciation couldn't rise any higher.
.After May 2020, the ordeal was over.
But something at home was amiss My wife began to shun any if my approaches. No holding hands, no hugs, & if there were kisses, they were just pecks.
I said I was married. But I didn't say I was happily married. It happened that my sex drive, my libido, was awakened. Maybe some people don't consider how essential a healthy sex life is a part of a healthy life. I didn't know where to turn until I found a couple of web sites that are very explicite in their exposition if sex acts. Somehow I was taken in by one of these porn sites. There, I wrote a profile piece & included a photo. I wasn't expecting much.
To date, i have received over five thousand responses, most accompanied by nude, genital manipulating, breast exposing, mostly young,beautiful woman. There are sites where women write to me in the hope I'll have wild orgasmic body twisting all day all night sex .
How can I not be aroused. Hi is can I not be desireous of the messages & the pictures & the live sex.
The conumbrum should be obvious to even the most disinterested reader. I've always been proud of my integrity & my honesty. But my situation, though not unique, is extremely intense & worry some.
This post has more to do with a singular relationship than the prurient interests of the unintelligent, immature, unrealistic & unsympathetic reader.
For the first time, i sent a text to one woman. She did not include a picture of her naked body. What her text to me did was to make me think realistically. However, my bodily requirement for sex is normal. If this is the way to satisfy a natural & essential aspect for living a fuller life. The unknown aspect is, if I go through & meet with the woman, not only what will that do to my relationship with my wife. But even more profound is what, if such an extramarital.tryst should be another event in my life, what will that do to my relationship to myself?
With a commitment, things are very different. I have pointed out that I believe that promises are easily fallible. However, a commitment has only one person with whom to share it's exegesis. One makes a commitment to oneself. You need not share the contents of a commitment to any one. You are free to tell others that your behavior is guided by a pact you made with yourself & no one else. A commitment is accompanied by virtues on the order of courage, self-respect, love if self, self examination, a truthful valuation of your ability to reach completion, also a resolute strength of character, & an abiding inner peace of mind & body. Promises require no virtue or virtuous activity. The attributes of virtues, then, shares a similarity of a contract between two or more parties in that the parties are you & your good conscience. You can call conscience any if the following: psyche, innermost self, or even soul. Seen in the light of attributes that can only be aspects of yourself & no one else.
When we got married, in October, 1988, I decided that were tie the knot at the village court l house by judge. Religious people who get married in churches, synagogues, or mosques wherein they make there vows not only each other, but to the particular god associated with the religion for which the edifice was consecrated. Neither my bride nor I were particularly invested in any religion. My desire to have a secular marriage was due to the actual accountability of all marriages in the United States remained in the hands of the state. At the wedding, the judge read the standard script. Everything went fine until the litany of care & devotion between my soon to be wife & myself. The judge asked my bride "do you"do this>do that, & she replied "I do". But when the judge asked all those "do questions", I responded with a hearty "I will".I will is an indication of commitment. It's more direct than "I'll try" or "I'll do my best" even though your best may not even compare to someone whose best is born out of a commitment.
So, you're asking, what does any of this have to do with the topic. Allow me to divulge the problem that has arisen in the sweetness of my advancing age. I'll try to be brief.
In 2003, we went to Ireland for 10 days. Right after that, ate 52 years old, I finally earned my Bachelor's Degree with honors from Northwestern Universiy. That was two events I'll charism unto the last of my days
There was a third event to make it a hat trick. But this event was not so joyful if not somewhat deviating for me. It happened ina sudden blow: my wife decreed that we didn't have to have sex any more, & so I began my journey through a sexless marriage. For the first 18 years, i was something akin to a eunuch. Most of that period of time i was in bad shape & excruciating pain. All through my trials through hospitals, in patient physical therapy, outpatient P.T. & wound care. There were doctor appointments & appointments with medical specialists & a constant stream of tests like MRI, CT scans, bone scans, &c. Through it all my wife had to drive me to these destinations. Also,every day i was in an inpatient facility, my wife came & stayed for hours. She really watched out for me. My appreciation couldn't rise any higher.
.After May 2020, the ordeal was over.
But something at home was amiss My wife began to shun any if my approaches. No holding hands, no hugs, & if there were kisses, they were just pecks.
I said I was married. But I didn't say I was happily married. It happened that my sex drive, my libido, was awakened. Maybe some people don't consider how essential a healthy sex life is a part of a healthy life. I didn't know where to turn until I found a couple of web sites that are very explicite in their exposition if sex acts. Somehow I was taken in by one of these porn sites. There, I wrote a profile piece & included a photo. I wasn't expecting much.
To date, i have received over five thousand responses, most accompanied by nude, genital manipulating, breast exposing, mostly young,beautiful woman. There are sites where women write to me in the hope I'll have wild orgasmic body twisting all day all night sex .
How can I not be aroused. Hi is can I not be desireous of the messages & the pictures & the live sex.
The conumbrum should be obvious to even the most disinterested reader. I've always been proud of my integrity & my honesty. But my situation, though not unique, is extremely intense & worry some.
This post has more to do with a singular relationship than the prurient interests of the unintelligent, immature, unrealistic & unsympathetic reader.
For the first time, i sent a text to one woman. She did not include a picture of her naked body. What her text to me did was to make me think realistically. However, my bodily requirement for sex is normal. If this is the way to satisfy a natural & essential aspect for living a fuller life. The unknown aspect is, if I go through & meet with the woman, not only what will that do to my relationship with my wife. But even more profound is what, if such an extramarital.tryst should be another event in my life, what will that do to my relationship to myself?
70-79, M
