I Need Advice On Relationships

Not necessarily romantic ones, any kind. I've never known how to relate to people. The wrong things are always coming out of my mouth, and I end up embarrassing myself. I wish I weren't so needy at times. I'll sometimes hear what someone thinks about something or someone, and capitalize on it - join them in their opinion, seeking membership in their private club just so I can feel a part of something, accepted by someone, part of the tribe. I know where this kind of behavior in me comes from, and I'm sad about my abuse history. I'm not defending my actions. I'm using my feelings and other people's reactions to my comments, as indicators of what I need to look at in myself - what the original problems were that left me in a place of needing this kind of survival strategy. But while I'm glad I'm facing my issue head on, I still don't seem to be making any headway, and I keep putting my foot in my mouth. It's no wonder people have turned on their heals and walked away from me all my life. I've seen counselors since I was 13, and I still can't shake the need behind my selling out to people just to gain the feeling of being accepted, or even seen. I would be better off not even trying to relate.

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Vivaci

You've been nice on my posts, Sophrai. I've always wondered why you disappear after commenting though...

PhoenixPhail · M

@Vivaci: I don't see myself as disappearing. I will almost always, at least, heart a reply, if not reply back. It could be I feel I've said all I wanted, and there's no conversation to continue. Can you give me suggestions of how I'm supposed to be?

Vivaci

@sophrai: I think you're awesome....nothing to change.

PhoenixPhail · M

@Vivaci: Thank you.

Vivaci

Just so you know, your conversations usually stand out from many others...so keep saying what you are saying. Communication is key in any relationship. ✌

PhoenixPhail · M

@Vivaci: Thank you for telling me that, Vivaci. Your reply is inspiring. I, too, have always felt communication is key in any relationship. Unfortunately, I don't find many people who truly wish to engage in my brand of it. I know I'm not essentially different from anyone else, but the kind of communication I enjoy with people seems to not be their preference. I find most people and their caliber of conversation, very surface and shallow. I have no judgement or criticism of who and where they are, but I enjoy something deeper - something more meaningful, if just, to me. I would enjoy nothing more than to have a significant other in my life (not necessarily romantic (although, that would be wonderful), but someone with whom I can be spiritually and intellectually intimate). But finding someone else who lives in my spiritual vicinity, seems as rare as my personality type (INFJ, HSP). I [b][i]do[/i][/b] accept people as who they are, it's just that who they are, with regard to interests and concerns, seems so distant from who [b][i]I[/i][/b] am. Maybe I'm just looking for a custom fit in an off-the-rack world. I can engage in small talk for a while, however, if I were to settle there, I wouldn't be being true to myself. Seems there's a "Catch 22" around every corner.

Your telling me my conversations usually stand out from many others, does help me to keep saying what I'm saying, and being myself. Helps me to feel less alone, and like I'm not such a weirdo.

Thank you for connecting with me. I would enjoy more conversation with you.

Vivaci

@sophrai: Yes, there are many of us who feel like you do, but are unable to put in so beautifully in words. You are not alone and people seeking their friends who can relate to them...who can get their jokes and who are somewhat on the same plane as them. Its an odd world...and like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, we have to embrace our uniqueness and be ourselves! No one here is going to judge you...have fun! :) XOXO

PhoenixPhail · M

@Vivaci: Thanks so much, Vivaci. 😘

Vivaci

@sophrai: Always be here for you, friend! 🤗✌

PhoenixPhail · M

@Vivaci: Thank you. I'm here for you, as well. Would it be okay to PM, too?