Is this normal?

I started a relationship with my actual boyfriend on 2023, he is caring, lovely and if we ever fought about something we would talk thing through. Everything is fine with him and im more than IN LOVE with him.

the thing is that before him I was in a toxic relationship with my ex, who suffered from depression and would constantly manipulate me and usually make mistakes that I just couldnt handle anymore, It was a mess... Ive been having him blocked since I broke up with him but sometimes.. I think about... him but not like in a lovely way or some shit like that but I just like.. think if he is healthy or not, if he is happy now or something like that idk.. and I dont like doing that but somehow it just happends and idk if its normal, I DO NOT miss him but I just checked his ig acc and unblocked him and saw that he would just send me reels and shit like that and while seeing that I had some sort of panic attack and blocked him again right away... thinking of having contact with him makes me feel anxious asf and It feels like I cant breath when it comes to him but I still keep asking myself.. why is it that I feel that shit when it comes to him but im still courios of what he could be going through still..? should I feel selfish about it? is it cheating?...

Richard65 · M

It's not cheating. At some point this guy meant a lot to you, so it's normal to wonder about his welfare. However, look at the severely negative effect he has on you, even when you anonymously check up on him. You have to consider that his behaviour in your previous relationship resulted in you becoming reliant on his love, you admitted he manipulated you, so I think your need to check on him is a symptom of the original manipulative behaviour from him. Go back to blocking him, concentrate on your actual boyfriend. You're inviting that toxicity back into your life and you'll ruin your current relationship.

childgod · 16-17, F

@Richard65 thank you.. sometimes I do realise what is wrong but I just.. i dont know how badly it could affect me, you have shown me what I didnt see tysm..

lexibexy · 13-15, F

you shouldn't feel selfish, and its not cheating unless you are back together with him and your current bf dosent know, this is normal, you are just curious about him and how hes doing, i was shocked reading this because im going through the same exact thing, just if you start thinking about this breathe, does your current bf now this is going on? i would suggrst telling him