I Need Dating Advice

Tinder Date
I’ve been talking to this guy, Michael. We clicked instantly, he thought I was funny and cute so we exchanged numbers to continue talking. By the third day, we’d spoken on the phone, and he (jokingly?) mentioned moving with me when I leave the state in August. But I don't think he was kidding. At first, I wasn't looking for anything serious. I just wanted to experiment and stay single. But within a week of talking to him, I deleted Tinder and stopped talking to other people. It came out of nowhere, and I knew I wanted him in my life. It's only been two weeks and I already really really like him. He's busy a lot of the time, working mostly. I find myself thinking ”I hope he's having a good day at work” and stuff like that a lot. For the past week, he's called me after work every day. It's so cute, he really likes talking to me I guess. 😊 I really like talking to him, too. But I’m moving in five months. I don't know if he was serious or not. How do I ask something like that? Should I wait until the month before I move, or should I just ask in a month or so after he asks me out? If he asks me out... I think he will. He says he really likes me. Also, he doesn't flirt with me as much as I flirt with him. Sometimes it makes me question whether he really likes me as much as he is saying he does. Maybe he's just awkward about that stuff or not used to the compliments so he doesn't flirt back as much as I wish he would... I don't know how to bring that up either.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

Tinder? Three chats and moving in together? Stop. Think with your brains. He is not into you. Get off Tinder. Reality check.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion It's funny how people assume that just because it's on an app he's fake. He's a real person looking for a relationship just like most everyone else on Tinder. He's a genuine guy and yes I’m going with my gut on this. Maybe I’m wrong but it sure has been nice these past couple weeks, and if he hurts me I’ll just be stronger in the end. And I am off Tinder, I deleted it. Now we call and text and will be meeting when he finds out his schedule and next day off.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@flowerboy I am just answering in a practical manner. I don't know him and I don't know you, but I urge you to take your time. You cannot fall for someone in 3 chats. And talking about moving in together is way too premature. You are young and passionate. Nothing wrong with that, but your gut is young too and you need to pull back a bit. Nice is great. But you need time to meet this stranger and to see what happens. Slow it down. See what happens. Hormones and all that stuff. Be safe.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion I am now an expert at typing ”I DO NOT PLAN TO MOVE IN WITH HIM, HE IS THE ONE WHO SAID THAT.” And any other variation of that. I don't know how to ”slow down” how much I like him. I would if I could. If I could I would not care so much about whether he likes me back or not. If I could I would not give a flying fuck, but unfortunately, I cannot stop how I feel or slow it down or control how much I like him. What do I do? Ignore him for hours at a time and push him away?? Trust me it has crossed my mind because I am scared. I have considered cutting him off altogether. Because what's scarier than possible rejection or falling while the other person isn't even close to that into you? Fucking believing that someone might finally feel the same about you, treat you the same way you treat them for once in your fucking life and then turning out to be wrong. So yeah, slow. I'm fucking trying but I’m damaged goods and that is all I will ever be. I know he deserves better but that won't stop me from trying to see where this goes. Certain pain lies ahead, that's all I’m getting from this.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@flowerboy That is where you are wrong. You are not damaged goods. You need to value yourself. How can anyone else if you do not? Certain pain? Christ. You are damning this potential relationship yourself already. He said that about moving in. Well, he is jumping the gun then. Send my words to him then. My advice is sound. You can slow down. You can think. You can do all this that I have advised. Scared. You are scared because you have been hurt and used before. Make this different then. What is scarier? How about this? Moving in with someone, having your hopes dashed again, and repeating previous mistakes. You need to slow it down. You can fully explore and enjoy this then. You need to read my words again and again. Because I care enough to respond to you. Because I care. Get it? It is your life. And you posted. So I commented. What you do with my words is up to you.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion I don't know how to stop my feelings. I already like him more than I should. If I distance myself at this point it could push him away. I don't always text first, I never call first. That already seems like a lot. Should I stop flirting? Should I tell him to not call me anymore for awhile? Should we talk less? I can't think of any way to stop that wouldn't ruin what we've started here

PoetryNEmotion · F

@flowerboy If it is real and meant to be, theh nothing you can do at this point will ruin it. Slow down, please. For your sake. For the sake of what could be...Nothing wrong with passion. You have a heart. You are learning how to slow down. You can flirt. You can do whatever you want. I am just suggesting you take it slower. If he cares about you as he might, then slowing down benefits both of you and your relationship. You have to learn from previous relationships. Don't stop how you feel. Just take some time.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion I guess you’re right. If he doesn't feel the same there's nothing I can do and I just have to do what's best for me. It just sucks. ASD and ADHD make me extremely rejection-sensitive. He could hurt me so easily. Even without meaning to. It doesn't help that I’m fucked up from a previous abusive relationship. So I’m trying to do this right but I’ve forgotten how this stage is supposed to go. I genuinely do not know what you mean by slow. Idk what to do

PoetryNEmotion · F

@flowerboy You have to take care of you. You have to go slowly especially since you have been in an abusive relationship before. You want to be loved. Each of us feels that way. We have to go slowly. I am sure he wouldn't intentionally hurt you. But you need to talk to him about all this. Express how you feel. I doubt you will scare him off. Just go slowly. You are sensitive. You've been hurt. All the more reason to talk, to share, and to enjoy.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion He knows about my ex and some of what she did to me. I haven't told him too much about it because I’m afraid he isn't ready for this level of broken. But he is so patient and sweet and gentle about it. I'm just terrified that he could hurt me the more I open up

PoetryNEmotion · F

@flowerboy You have to trust people at some point. That is how you make friends. And how you make relationships work. Broken. Foolish words. You are not a tea cup. You have been hurt. That is fixable. He likes you and has heard a bit and-look-he is still around. I gotta go. I hope my words were helpful. We can talk later. Just breathe deeply. Be you. And go slowly. You will do just fine.

flowerboy · 22-25, T

@PoetryNEmotion Thank you, I will do my best