Unity101 · 61-69, F
Thanks for the advice. I wish it was that easy. But as I said there are his own parents involved in this. I can see a clear case of these people persuading them to part with their savings and re-mortgage their own property to facilitate this. Its a con job pure and simple. I have tried speaking to his parents. They are not too enthused about the couple either. They have tried speaking to him. So far the Daughter In Laws Family have taken over £36,000 off the husbands parents.
I am willing to stand back and let the young man sort out his maritial affairs. Even though he's now taken two jobs on to afford his 'new family.' But I draw the line at the daughter in laws Parents making a move on her husbands Parents to elicit more monies from them. The husbands parents have five children of their own. All are older than this young man. But none want to start the hurricane that will result from voicing this. We recently had a dinner with them and the young mans older sister came over from abroad she actually said to the mother in law when was she returning back to her own country? The room went quiet. And the Husbands Parents tried to smooth it over and ignore the comment. But it was a question on everyone's mind. More than this I gather the daughter in laws parents actually said that they would be willing to move into the husbands parents house and live with them, as they are elderly and maybe they could help them. The In-laws are not elderly they are about my age group which is over 50's.
If I do not say anything this may possibly happen given that they have already given the young man £36,000 towards the relationship. If I say something (which I feel I am obliged to), I will be targeted for once again being the dragon of the party. As I said I like the young girl. I just don't trust the Parents In Law and I think they are taking advantage. He's a relative and so is his parents. I have a strong sense of duty in protecting our own.
I am willing to stand back and let the young man sort out his maritial affairs. Even though he's now taken two jobs on to afford his 'new family.' But I draw the line at the daughter in laws Parents making a move on her husbands Parents to elicit more monies from them. The husbands parents have five children of their own. All are older than this young man. But none want to start the hurricane that will result from voicing this. We recently had a dinner with them and the young mans older sister came over from abroad she actually said to the mother in law when was she returning back to her own country? The room went quiet. And the Husbands Parents tried to smooth it over and ignore the comment. But it was a question on everyone's mind. More than this I gather the daughter in laws parents actually said that they would be willing to move into the husbands parents house and live with them, as they are elderly and maybe they could help them. The In-laws are not elderly they are about my age group which is over 50's.
If I do not say anything this may possibly happen given that they have already given the young man £36,000 towards the relationship. If I say something (which I feel I am obliged to), I will be targeted for once again being the dragon of the party. As I said I like the young girl. I just don't trust the Parents In Law and I think they are taking advantage. He's a relative and so is his parents. I have a strong sense of duty in protecting our own.
Unity101 · 61-69, F
Thanks for the reply, but hate to say it. Some guys are great in business. He's a team player to so speak. Everyone roots for him. But when it comes to females. He's swayed by the dolly bird types. And this girl is nice but her manner/character can be a little off putting. I say brusque. Other people have mentioned this to her in the past and made her cry. I know she has a good heart. But I don't like the parents manipulation in all this. They, seem to me to be sponging off the guy. Who asks the groom to pay for the wedding unless the grooms a millionaire? Or worst Why move in with the couple within the first month of marriage? The Guy is English and the lady is eastern European. She's a Catholic by religion. As am I but I celebrate xmas the English way. Only when he came around at xmas he was so sad and envious of us and our xmas festivities. And compared to this guy we are the poor relations. My own family don't like her. They have their reasons.
But its her parents that are my major concern as I cannot get over the feeling that they are on a con job and the guys own mum and dad are their target. I have intel that so far they have given this guy £36,000 of their savings. And I feel they are now after the house they live in. As I have said his brothers and sisters have tried to make mention of it indirectly. But they do not want to upset him. Because they think she will cut him off from them. I however have got a bad reputation of putting my foot in it and saying directly what I feel. Only this time. I don't want to upset the guy. Because, he don't deserve it and its the In-laws manipulating him. Only if he leaves her it will cripple him. He will end up with nothing. But if he stays with her. I dread to think what will happen to his parents.
So, as I said do I intervene or stay well away and watch from the sidelines. If it was my son or nephew. Don't care who said what where or when. I show them they were protected by me and give them hell. Just to let them know this con job will not work. But in this situation. I don't want to lose the friendship we got.
But its her parents that are my major concern as I cannot get over the feeling that they are on a con job and the guys own mum and dad are their target. I have intel that so far they have given this guy £36,000 of their savings. And I feel they are now after the house they live in. As I have said his brothers and sisters have tried to make mention of it indirectly. But they do not want to upset him. Because they think she will cut him off from them. I however have got a bad reputation of putting my foot in it and saying directly what I feel. Only this time. I don't want to upset the guy. Because, he don't deserve it and its the In-laws manipulating him. Only if he leaves her it will cripple him. He will end up with nothing. But if he stays with her. I dread to think what will happen to his parents.
So, as I said do I intervene or stay well away and watch from the sidelines. If it was my son or nephew. Don't care who said what where or when. I show them they were protected by me and give them hell. Just to let them know this con job will not work. But in this situation. I don't want to lose the friendship we got.
GeniUs · 56-60, M
What countries are you talking about here because I know there are some traditions I do not understand in some countries. So what country do they live in and what country do the people involved come from makes a big difference to how this can be approached.
The relatives asking you to be the villain again, remind them of what happened last time and tell them you are not going to do the same again only for them to betray you (sounds harsh but that is what they did), so you will act on behalf of the group but only if they give you evidence that you are all together in this; an e-mail or letter requesting your actions. Without this you cannot move forward (although now he is married I imagine there is little that can be done without negative consequences).
The relatives asking you to be the villain again, remind them of what happened last time and tell them you are not going to do the same again only for them to betray you (sounds harsh but that is what they did), so you will act on behalf of the group but only if they give you evidence that you are all together in this; an e-mail or letter requesting your actions. Without this you cannot move forward (although now he is married I imagine there is little that can be done without negative consequences).
SW-User
I'd like to add
all that family interference will drive him insane
I guess it's a culture far removed from mine
all that family interference will drive him insane
I guess it's a culture far removed from mine
Miram · 31-35, F
You care a lot about this guy's life improving. He has a child in the way and he needs to work on his own well being in order to be there for the baby.
I would ask him for coffee , give advice and express my concerns without any expectations. He needs to know he has support and it's okay to want a break from all the responsibilities.
I would ask him for coffee , give advice and express my concerns without any expectations. He needs to know he has support and it's okay to want a break from all the responsibilities.
PennyHenny · F
Well, he did choose to be in the situation with that woman. And he's supporting her, soooooo yeah. If he didn't want the burden of dealing with the family then he should have got to known the family first. You either get a spouse that clings or one that doesn't.
SW-User
This sounds like a disaster but I have to wonder how did he get to be so successful in business if he can't tell people what he wants?