I Need Advice On Relationships
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I have a relative he’s a good person. But when it comes to women he’s a positive sap. He spent the best part of this youth building a career. This meant that when it came to relationships he did not know who to choose. Like most successful men he went for the ‘trophy,’ Image.
Which suited him to a point. The first young lady was nice enough. But when it came to home and family all she wanted was his business connections. When he finally got wind was when his money virtually ran out and so did she.
The second, he’s treated nonchalantly, (think it was a defence mechanism on his part). He literally texted all his friends and relatives the following. “Been with the lady for a while now, lately we have got on really well – no arguments, so I’ve popped the question and she said yes!’
Of course, relatives immediately rallied “Don’t do it.,” “Don’t trust her,” etc. I heard it all even from his relatives that the consensus is he’s making a huge mistake. But apart from the initial reactions. No one tackled him directly. I decided to instead. I spoke to him. His reply was; -
“She’s promised to take care of me in my old age. She’ll be a good mother to our kids when we have them. She likes my mum and dad. We have lived together for other a year now. And of course, I love her!”
My reply was “well you’d better convince the family of that because, they were the ones who asked me to have a word. His parents, in particular, as they did not like the lady very much!
That’s when the tables were turned on me and everyone tried to say it was I who disapproved and was stirring up trouble. I wished them well and they got married.
That’s when the basis of my misgivings started. The bride’s parents approached the groom’s parents to finance the wedding. This did not go down well as the groom’s parents had not even paid for their own daughters weddings. All they did was to attend. So, when they paid for the son’s wedding the other members of the family kicked off.
The relative - once married moved from his home (which he could comfortably afford), to a new home in which he borrowed a substantial amount from his Parents savings to purchase. Again, the rest of the family kicked off, as his own parents never assisted any of the other children in purchasing their own homes.
Immediately they moved into the new premises with the mother-in- law moved in with them. The father-in-law visits occasionally as he works away from home. This the grooms relations thought was a bit much. I personally did mention to him at the time that he should spend the first two years on his own with his new wife before the relatives get involved. And only then if they are contributing to the household.
Apparently, he is now financing the wife, his new son (another one is one the way), and his mother in law all on his executive salary. The wife cannot work right now as she is pregnant again.
Where is the father-in-law? He works abroad. But from what I can see he does not finance his wife. As when the mother in law wishes to go home to her native country to visit her relatives she asks the Son-in-law for the money. She lives with them and has everything paid for her.
He came by the other day. The poor man looked exhausted. He has been forced to take on two jobs to keep the house going. My husband said he did not look well and was concerned. I mentioned this to his family and suggested that they get him to take a weekend away with the lads so that he can at least re-charge his batteries. We all say the same thing. He’s taken on the father-in-laws role in the house and no one is sticking up for him as he is outnumbered by all the females.
His best memories in his life was family holidays - Christmases in which they all got together. It was suggested that they all go to his, this year. Immediately the wife said no because it was too stressful and she is pregnant. Even though the family said they would take the strain of the day off her shoulders by bring food etc. It was cancelled. Apparently, they do not celebrate Christmas like his side of the family.
But they insisted that his parents went to theirs for Christmas. The mother and father-in-law in were there with his parents. They suggested that maybe if the groom’s elderly parents would agree they could move into their large home and helped them. The grooms Parents have a home as large as the one the youngest son has purchased. They also have five grown up successful children with families of their own.
Its obvious what the In-laws are attempting. The problem is none of the other relatives will speak directly to the son – do an intervention if you will. Once again, they are all explaining me to approach the lad.
I have a relative he’s a good person. But when it comes to women he’s a positive sap. He spent the best part of this youth building a career. This meant that when it came to relationships he did not know who to choose. Like most successful men he went for the ‘trophy,’ Image.
Which suited him to a point. The first young lady was nice enough. But when it came to home and family all she wanted was his business connections. When he finally got wind was when his money virtually ran out and so did she.
The second, he’s treated nonchalantly, (think it was a defence mechanism on his part). He literally texted all his friends and relatives the following. “Been with the lady for a while now, lately we have got on really well – no arguments, so I’ve popped the question and she said yes!’
Of course, relatives immediately rallied “Don’t do it.,” “Don’t trust her,” etc. I heard it all even from his relatives that the consensus is he’s making a huge mistake. But apart from the initial reactions. No one tackled him directly. I decided to instead. I spoke to him. His reply was; -
“She’s promised to take care of me in my old age. She’ll be a good mother to our kids when we have them. She likes my mum and dad. We have lived together for other a year now. And of course, I love her!”
My reply was “well you’d better convince the family of that because, they were the ones who asked me to have a word. His parents, in particular, as they did not like the lady very much!
That’s when the tables were turned on me and everyone tried to say it was I who disapproved and was stirring up trouble. I wished them well and they got married.
That’s when the basis of my misgivings started. The bride’s parents approached the groom’s parents to finance the wedding. This did not go down well as the groom’s parents had not even paid for their own daughters weddings. All they did was to attend. So, when they paid for the son’s wedding the other members of the family kicked off.
The relative - once married moved from his home (which he could comfortably afford), to a new home in which he borrowed a substantial amount from his Parents savings to purchase. Again, the rest of the family kicked off, as his own parents never assisted any of the other children in purchasing their own homes.
Immediately they moved into the new premises with the mother-in- law moved in with them. The father-in-law visits occasionally as he works away from home. This the grooms relations thought was a bit much. I personally did mention to him at the time that he should spend the first two years on his own with his new wife before the relatives get involved. And only then if they are contributing to the household.
Apparently, he is now financing the wife, his new son (another one is one the way), and his mother in law all on his executive salary. The wife cannot work right now as she is pregnant again.
Where is the father-in-law? He works abroad. But from what I can see he does not finance his wife. As when the mother in law wishes to go home to her native country to visit her relatives she asks the Son-in-law for the money. She lives with them and has everything paid for her.
He came by the other day. The poor man looked exhausted. He has been forced to take on two jobs to keep the house going. My husband said he did not look well and was concerned. I mentioned this to his family and suggested that they get him to take a weekend away with the lads so that he can at least re-charge his batteries. We all say the same thing. He’s taken on the father-in-laws role in the house and no one is sticking up for him as he is outnumbered by all the females.
His best memories in his life was family holidays - Christmases in which they all got together. It was suggested that they all go to his, this year. Immediately the wife said no because it was too stressful and she is pregnant. Even though the family said they would take the strain of the day off her shoulders by bring food etc. It was cancelled. Apparently, they do not celebrate Christmas like his side of the family.
But they insisted that his parents went to theirs for Christmas. The mother and father-in-law in were there with his parents. They suggested that maybe if the groom’s elderly parents would agree they could move into their large home and helped them. The grooms Parents have a home as large as the one the youngest son has purchased. They also have five grown up successful children with families of their own.
Its obvious what the In-laws are attempting. The problem is none of the other relatives will speak directly to the son – do an intervention if you will. Once again, they are all explaining me to approach the lad.
