Breakup-heartbreak

I’m 22 and I’ve never had a job due to anxiety and stress I met a guy at 16 that I thought loved me but he would cheat on me when he got bored of me or we repeated the same day over again he didn’t like that so he avoided me for these past few months I felt like he was trying to get me to break up with him but I was so delusional or so attached I couldn’t let go I still can’t let go it feels like, I have no friends and no social life and the thought of one makes me want to throw up, he knows that and anytime I do get a friend he finds a way to ruin it, we went out for 4th of July and he stopped drinking so I just had a glass of whine with his friend group while I was there, his uncle kept hugging me and looking at him and saying I would be his and my bf kept saying you can have her which made me feel weird you know. I felt so akward at this point so I made another drink I started to get a buzz but realized he wasn’t there he had left with his friends so I hung out with who was left there and tried my best to socialize. He ended up coming back way later and I was listening to him and his friends conversations and he kept saying to his friend come to the gym bro there’s so many hoes, so I walked away and made some more to drink I just felt so bad really, then I knew I had enough and was ready to leave but I felt so sick because his uncle had a dead deer in his yard so I immediately threw up, he stayed in his truck while I was in the grass on my hands and knees in pain, I didn’t expect him to help because at this point I’m blaming myself I did this to myself I deserve it right. He then tells me to get in or he’s leaving me there in the middle of know-where. So I got in with him barley able to walk he didn’t talk to me the whole way home and then he pulled my hair when we stopped so I couldn’t open the door to get out and throw up, we made it home and I wanted to just lay in my front yard grass and get it all out I finally felt comfortable and he said stay here suck on your mommas titty, and he left me after grabbing me to go in and left me then texted me and said he’s done with me. I feel rejected very rejected my heart is Broke I feel like I deserve an apology but I know I will never get that from someone like him