For Better or Worse

That's what we promised, and that's what we meant. Over the last 45 years, we have had struggles. " Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometimes," Lynn Anderson.

I have childhood abuse issues. He has alcohol dependence. I used prescription drugs ( when I had insurance), mostly psych meds. He was addicted to online gaming. I am a food addict and on and on...

We have great communication difficulties, and that has been our biggest struggle. He has ADHD ( hyperactive). I have many issues, but one is ADHD (inattentive). Over the years and the many many fights, where we hit each other below the belt, we have both become super defensive. It makes it really hard to communicate with someone when both of your brains are analyzing every word, looking for the hurt, and seeing it, even when it is not there. 😢

I shudder to remember some of the hurtful words we have thrown at each other. If they had been knives, they would have cut to the bone. It was never because we didn't love each other. It was because each of us got our feelings hurt so deeply that we didn't think the other loved us back. It is like self-defense, but you can't take those words back. Over time, the words are forgotten, or at least tamped down, but when a voice gets a little tense between us, the walls go up. When you are on defense, it is almost impossible to listen to one another. 😔

However, with God's help, we are slowly taking the mental boxing gloves off. Our ability to communicate will never be fixed, really..We have hurt each other far too much with stinging words, but our love is strong and with God's blessings, we will try to heal each other. ❤❤❤

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