Our Married Life: The Deleted Scenes
Listen, if you know a husband and wife who just seem like they can get through anything, it ain't because they're fucking lucky. It's because they've been through more shit than a fucking septic tank.
All right, people tell us all the time, "Oh, you have such a beautiful family, a beautiful life." Bitch, you ain't seen the deleted scenes, motherfuckers. We've been through more hell - so much fucking hell we don't even bring luggage anymore. The Grim Reaper has us in his Rolodex under "Living Natural Fucking Disaster."
We got qualified for a crisis punch card: every five crises, you get one free. People use us as their free therapists. And it ain't because we're licensed; it's because we've already been through all this shit. This country could melt to the fucking ground, and me and my husband would be the overlords of the fucking apocalypse. Ain't nothing fucking stopping us... besides fucking deciding what we're going to eat for dinner.
That's a bitch.
All right, people tell us all the time, "Oh, you have such a beautiful family, a beautiful life." Bitch, you ain't seen the deleted scenes, motherfuckers. We've been through more hell - so much fucking hell we don't even bring luggage anymore. The Grim Reaper has us in his Rolodex under "Living Natural Fucking Disaster."
We got qualified for a crisis punch card: every five crises, you get one free. People use us as their free therapists. And it ain't because we're licensed; it's because we've already been through all this shit. This country could melt to the fucking ground, and me and my husband would be the overlords of the fucking apocalypse. Ain't nothing fucking stopping us... besides fucking deciding what we're going to eat for dinner.
That's a bitch.
