Self pleasure insecurity

My wife and I are in agreement that self pleasure is ok. My wife has the lower sex drive so it makes things easier on us, less pressure. I will sometimes use porn as well as my wife and again were both agreement in using porn. My wife has plenty of orgasms sometimes 2-4 orgasms when we make love so we have a healthy sex life Here is the problem though and it's more my issue.... I get anxiety or insecure if I think she may self pleasuring. If she goes to bed before me, I get worked up thinking will she self pleasure when she gets to bed. The mornings are tough too, she leaves for work later than I do so I get insecure wondering if she will or has. I explained to my wife that I find it highly exciting to know she self pleasures. It's not a controlling thing, it's more about me getting turned on knowing she did it .She does tell me once in awhile not everytime. I did explain my anxiety and insecurity and she understands. It's hard for her with her upbringing to be open about self pleasure but she has told me it's still difficult sometimes to tell me.

How can I make it better on myself and make it easier and more enjoyable to share self pleasure with myself. I don't want to always bug her.. Did you have fun, did you enjoy yourself, hun did you M this morning.

So how can I make this more comfortable her to be more open and how can I get past this anxiety and insecurity?