Is it essential to serve a man as a wife?

I grew up watching my mum serve my father but resent doing it especially when she'd finally sit down and he'd say he wanted either salt or hot pepper sauce.

Whereas I watched my grandparents help each other some nights my grandmother would cook other nights my grandfather would reheat left overs but my grandfather and I would always set the table.

I am struggling a little whereby I don't believe any one person should serve, I've tried to implement a tradition whereby we share duties so my partner will serve me food if I'm dealing with baby and vice versa.
But there's no preference on meat or anything in particular. We pretty much just serve and if the person wants a bit more they may get up and help themselves.

It's not about "serving"

Do you think this influences the way a relationship goes?

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BrandNewMan · M

Your grandparents had it right, in my view. Give and take and an overall balance in the various aspects of a relationship is important. Far too many selfishly expect others to "do" for them without holding themselves accountable to return the gestures in kind.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@BrandNewMan I hear you. Ok so from your perspective what would create balance in this scenario for you?

BrandNewMan · M

@Mellowgirl I dont know your situation well enough to speak to it.

I'm in my 60's .. I've lived through the various scenarios as they changed over time in my home and adjusted as needed according to those changes. I've done every chore there is .. some on my own for 30+ yrs to helping with others, but not being the main one responsible. That is what it takes .. flexibility, adaptability and honest self-awareness about your contribution relative to your partner's.

Communication during periods they or you may need help /why, etc is important. Its not rocket science .. but an amazing number of people can't manage it or aren't willing to put in their share of the work.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@BrandNewMan I hear you.
And I think you have demonstrated a mature man who took on the role and responsibilities of having a family.

I hope that during times when have needed that reciprocated you had that too.

I'm not here trying to score points or shame anyone for their choice, I'm just trying to gain an understanding.
I am in a young relationship with a young family, so there will be lots of hurdles and hopefully more amazing times. It's just learning how to navigate that.
I get that it's only something my partner and I can figure out. But it's nice to get some insight from others, not to compare just learn.

BrandNewMan · M

@Mellowgirl I hear you. Being able to talk about what ever challenges arise, and keep it as the two of you against the problem and not the two of you againt each other, may be the single most important tool in any couple's marriage tool box.

Good luck to your young family.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@BrandNewMan thank you