I Dont Think Marriage Is Necessarily the Answer to Happiness
Right now I feel like I made the right decision to separate from my husband although we are still married and talking.
He's supposed to go to rehab someday soon. I like him having his own place (which is really just the apartment my kids and I left) because he's focusing on his responsibilities that he is kind of forced to face... I couldn't keep up feeling like I had a man child and lifestyle changes had to be made my us both.
So, although I'm happy about this "break" from living together, I am starting to wonder if moving back together would ever be good, or if it would be better to continue to build my financial independence and live separately.
We have two children together- a 4 year old and a 1 year old. He also has a child from before we married, and she is 7. I've been in her life since she was a baby and her mom and I get along now. Unfortunately, she doesn't get to stay with me. He put her in his moms care- not her own mother because he only won sole legal physical custody by default. An address that doesn't exist was put on her notice of custody hearing papers, and she missed it. She didn't have money to get a lawyer and fight it but accepted overnight visitations. I wish my stepdaughter could be with me or her mom when he goes to rehab and not grandma and visiting us moms. It's a difficult time, but tonight she came over to my parents to spent the night where I live now, her dad came over too, and our children were so unbelievably happy to all be together. They were happy to see us together.
I know there's a million ways this could all go, there's so many choices to make, and life has no directions in writing. Directions come as intuition among other factors and experiences in life. I try to not think that far ahead, but I'm a dreamer for better things at all times. Some parents do divorce and live as roommates. Some divorce and live separately but still have family and sibling time. Then again, some divorce or stay together and it's just a mess.
We both need better friends that don't hold grudges against our marital problems and place blame and favor one over the other. We do not need our other family members and parents reminding us of all the negative bs we have been working through.
My husband and I both have lessons to learn and teach as does everyone. I want my babies to thrive whether or not their parents live together or are actually married on paper. Just some thoughts tonight. If you would like to offer opinions or advice I am ok with that and would much appreciate it. Anyone in similar situations or anyone that has already been through this type of thing could be a great respondent :)
He's supposed to go to rehab someday soon. I like him having his own place (which is really just the apartment my kids and I left) because he's focusing on his responsibilities that he is kind of forced to face... I couldn't keep up feeling like I had a man child and lifestyle changes had to be made my us both.
So, although I'm happy about this "break" from living together, I am starting to wonder if moving back together would ever be good, or if it would be better to continue to build my financial independence and live separately.
We have two children together- a 4 year old and a 1 year old. He also has a child from before we married, and she is 7. I've been in her life since she was a baby and her mom and I get along now. Unfortunately, she doesn't get to stay with me. He put her in his moms care- not her own mother because he only won sole legal physical custody by default. An address that doesn't exist was put on her notice of custody hearing papers, and she missed it. She didn't have money to get a lawyer and fight it but accepted overnight visitations. I wish my stepdaughter could be with me or her mom when he goes to rehab and not grandma and visiting us moms. It's a difficult time, but tonight she came over to my parents to spent the night where I live now, her dad came over too, and our children were so unbelievably happy to all be together. They were happy to see us together.
I know there's a million ways this could all go, there's so many choices to make, and life has no directions in writing. Directions come as intuition among other factors and experiences in life. I try to not think that far ahead, but I'm a dreamer for better things at all times. Some parents do divorce and live as roommates. Some divorce and live separately but still have family and sibling time. Then again, some divorce or stay together and it's just a mess.
We both need better friends that don't hold grudges against our marital problems and place blame and favor one over the other. We do not need our other family members and parents reminding us of all the negative bs we have been working through.
My husband and I both have lessons to learn and teach as does everyone. I want my babies to thrive whether or not their parents live together or are actually married on paper. Just some thoughts tonight. If you would like to offer opinions or advice I am ok with that and would much appreciate it. Anyone in similar situations or anyone that has already been through this type of thing could be a great respondent :)
31-35, F
