Random thoughts just for myself…
I watched a movie the other day that inspired some thoughts…The couple was doing counseling and mentioned that they did it before they got married and had to answer a question - ‘What do you want/need the most out of marriage?’
The wife answered affection and the husband answered attention.
It has really stuck with me and greatly inspired and troubled me. Truth is, I’m not sure what my answer OR his answer would be. Maybe that’s easier to answer before you spend over a decade with a person. 😜 Mine would be something like friendship, companionship, unity….maybe even affection? Truthfully, I just want him to prioritize me and our family more and simply be my best friend. I’m not going to go on and on there though.
Him?? It’s absolutely AWFUL that after all these years, I have absolutely no clue what he wants/needs from me. Respect? Devotion? Food 😂
I honestly spend every day of my life now TRYING to be everything he needs, and almost every day I fail. It’s pretty exhausting and disheartening. But…I’ve been thinking and thinking the matter over for a couple of days now. I also saw a meme today that spurred this topic into a more fruitful idea for me. The meme was stating that you son’t need to heal your spouse's childhood trauma, you need to heal yours. Not sure I stand by that 100%, but it has helped me to see things a little more clearly….
I think I’ve dealt with my childhood trauma, except I still struggle with insecurity/doubt from having love withheld from me. So, when my husband does some of his stunts, I have my own anxiety and whatnot going on in response. I realize that most of his behavior stems from his childhood and his parents. I guess in some ways he needs me to be what they never were. I don’t always know how to so that for him….but…
His mom is not very attentive, was always late picking them up/taking them to things. His dad endlessly nagged and knit picked, spoke harshly, made them work when they should’ve been enjoying their childhood, had an explosive temper, and just constantly made them feel like they weren’t good enough. He also hoarded a lot which reaalllly stressed my husband out. And his parents were never present for his games or anything he did.
So thinking all this over….he used to love when I helped him with his projects all the time and went and did everything with him. It’s harder now with kids. But truthfully, I stopped making an effort because I got tired if doing HIS stuff and him never being involved in mine. I mean, it’s almost July and he hasn’t even gone to my dad’s house once with me to visit. He just doesn’t make time for me. BUT, I need to let go of my resentments. I need to try to simply show up for him more and encourage him to show up for me as well. I need to try to be more attentive, more of a partner, and be more encouraging.
On another note….I need to start practicing more patience and grace.
Well, that’s all I’ve got time for
The wife answered affection and the husband answered attention.
It has really stuck with me and greatly inspired and troubled me. Truth is, I’m not sure what my answer OR his answer would be. Maybe that’s easier to answer before you spend over a decade with a person. 😜 Mine would be something like friendship, companionship, unity….maybe even affection? Truthfully, I just want him to prioritize me and our family more and simply be my best friend. I’m not going to go on and on there though.
Him?? It’s absolutely AWFUL that after all these years, I have absolutely no clue what he wants/needs from me. Respect? Devotion? Food 😂
I honestly spend every day of my life now TRYING to be everything he needs, and almost every day I fail. It’s pretty exhausting and disheartening. But…I’ve been thinking and thinking the matter over for a couple of days now. I also saw a meme today that spurred this topic into a more fruitful idea for me. The meme was stating that you son’t need to heal your spouse's childhood trauma, you need to heal yours. Not sure I stand by that 100%, but it has helped me to see things a little more clearly….
I think I’ve dealt with my childhood trauma, except I still struggle with insecurity/doubt from having love withheld from me. So, when my husband does some of his stunts, I have my own anxiety and whatnot going on in response. I realize that most of his behavior stems from his childhood and his parents. I guess in some ways he needs me to be what they never were. I don’t always know how to so that for him….but…
His mom is not very attentive, was always late picking them up/taking them to things. His dad endlessly nagged and knit picked, spoke harshly, made them work when they should’ve been enjoying their childhood, had an explosive temper, and just constantly made them feel like they weren’t good enough. He also hoarded a lot which reaalllly stressed my husband out. And his parents were never present for his games or anything he did.
So thinking all this over….he used to love when I helped him with his projects all the time and went and did everything with him. It’s harder now with kids. But truthfully, I stopped making an effort because I got tired if doing HIS stuff and him never being involved in mine. I mean, it’s almost July and he hasn’t even gone to my dad’s house once with me to visit. He just doesn’t make time for me. BUT, I need to let go of my resentments. I need to try to simply show up for him more and encourage him to show up for me as well. I need to try to be more attentive, more of a partner, and be more encouraging.
On another note….I need to start practicing more patience and grace.
Well, that’s all I’ve got time for
