I Am Unhappy In My Marriage
My story. Well...ive been married for 13 years. Have three kids, a picket fence, two dogs and a nice house. Good job. Everything you would think makes a happy married life.
But you would be wrong. See my wife has severe anger issues. Thinks life only goes well if she is in charge of everything, and if things aren't done her way then they are just wrong on every single level imaginable.
It wasent always this way...when we first met it was all butterfly's and rainbows. Fireworks and passion. When i think back on those days its almost as if i read them in some romance novel or from a movie that if i watched now would make me long for moments long past. Now...we are little more then roomates who live together and do nothing more then pass pleasantries to one another, take care of one another. And fight.
Am i perfect? No. Never claimed to be perfect. If that is her gripe about me then she married the wrong guy. Have i made mistakes. Yes, but again...9 out of 10 of my mistakes are because a)im human and flawed and 2)because the women i married who i thought was my equal does not treat me as such. I have spent so many years trying to fix a marriage that feels unfixable to me....
...to the point where now i am clinically depressed. Im on therapist number 3. I sleep on a different floor then my wife and cant really remember the last time i was intimate with her. Sad, is not the word i would describe myself as being. Its more then just sad.
Have you ever seen the movie, "The Prefect Storm". At the end they get a close up of the character...and he just looks depressed, lost, sad...and yet he also looks as if he has finaly given up on changing it. And as they pan out you see this lone being...this solitary man in a vast unending torrential sea.
Thats my marriage.
Thats what it feels like. Do we have good days...ehhh sure. Days when she doesnt make me feel like an idiot. A fool. A klutz. A looser. Or something other then a man, or the husband that she proclaimed in front of all of my family and friends to love. But they dont last.
And i goto sleep every single night....alone, wondering what it feels like to kiss a woman. What it feels like to have someone hold you. Touch you...and i dont mean just my body i mean my soul. My heart. That part of me that makes me who i am inside.
The only part my wife touches is the part that helps clean the kitchen. Gives the kids their bathes or does the laundry...and then yells that i did something wrong.
and id leave...as MANY have told me i should do. But my kids are young...and very fragile because of the relationship we have.
So im screwed if i stay
and im screwed if i leave
The Perfect Storm
But you would be wrong. See my wife has severe anger issues. Thinks life only goes well if she is in charge of everything, and if things aren't done her way then they are just wrong on every single level imaginable.
It wasent always this way...when we first met it was all butterfly's and rainbows. Fireworks and passion. When i think back on those days its almost as if i read them in some romance novel or from a movie that if i watched now would make me long for moments long past. Now...we are little more then roomates who live together and do nothing more then pass pleasantries to one another, take care of one another. And fight.
Am i perfect? No. Never claimed to be perfect. If that is her gripe about me then she married the wrong guy. Have i made mistakes. Yes, but again...9 out of 10 of my mistakes are because a)im human and flawed and 2)because the women i married who i thought was my equal does not treat me as such. I have spent so many years trying to fix a marriage that feels unfixable to me....
...to the point where now i am clinically depressed. Im on therapist number 3. I sleep on a different floor then my wife and cant really remember the last time i was intimate with her. Sad, is not the word i would describe myself as being. Its more then just sad.
Have you ever seen the movie, "The Prefect Storm". At the end they get a close up of the character...and he just looks depressed, lost, sad...and yet he also looks as if he has finaly given up on changing it. And as they pan out you see this lone being...this solitary man in a vast unending torrential sea.
Thats my marriage.
Thats what it feels like. Do we have good days...ehhh sure. Days when she doesnt make me feel like an idiot. A fool. A klutz. A looser. Or something other then a man, or the husband that she proclaimed in front of all of my family and friends to love. But they dont last.
And i goto sleep every single night....alone, wondering what it feels like to kiss a woman. What it feels like to have someone hold you. Touch you...and i dont mean just my body i mean my soul. My heart. That part of me that makes me who i am inside.
The only part my wife touches is the part that helps clean the kitchen. Gives the kids their bathes or does the laundry...and then yells that i did something wrong.
and id leave...as MANY have told me i should do. But my kids are young...and very fragile because of the relationship we have.
So im screwed if i stay
and im screwed if i leave
The Perfect Storm
51-55, M
