I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Today while I was driving I happened to glance down at my fingers and I realized something. The indention of where my rings used to be (my engagement and wedding band) are gone. The skin looks firm and bare like nothing had ever been there.
It was a strange mix of emotions for some reason. I haven't worn them in some time so that is why, but the reason caused the emotion. A small amount of sadness, and still this suddenly wild thought of "I'm free. One day I really will be free." It doesn't make much sense I suppose, but that is what went through my head.
We are spending less time together. He no longer seems to care whether he gets my "after dinner hanging out to watch TV" attention anymore. He is disengaged and detached as I am. He senses that I have pulled away and I believe feels defeated in calling me back.
I play my role, and he plays his. We get by. The day is coming when I walk away. He dreads it. He doesn't want me at all, but he dreads me leaving because he can't be alone. He has to figure that out. He is 48 years old and I have always been here to catch him. I've been a good wife. A perfect wife? No way, but I did the best I could do and I still continue to help him. It's more than most might do.
I admit, the thought of being along excites and scares me too. The fear of being alone the rest of my life scares me too but, aren't I alone here? Yes, there are people around but the security of a bonded intimate relationship doesn't exist. A body hunkered down on the other end of the couch fills a physical space. It doesn't fill a void.
-Raven

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UreBesFrend · M

It will be rough splitting up at your age, you will each lose half of everything you worked for all these years, that can be a huge setback to retirement in future. Maybe the two of you should sit down and discuss it before one of you runs away? Maybe you have both just drifted and it is possible to pull it all back with a bit of effort? A marriage counselor might help.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

There is no fixing it and not a ton to lose fortunately. (Or unfortunately? LOL)

UreBesFrend · M

Are you both working? Could you live on your own with what you make? Can he?

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

He cannot, I probably can. Besides, I think (if he agrees) we won't officially divorce but remain separated. Not sure how any of that works. I won't want to marry again and he won't either.

UreBesFrend · M

Remember that oath you took "till death do you part", this is where it comes into play. He may only have 5 years of life left, you never know. Maybe if he is living on the street that reduces to 1. Do you really hate him that much?

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

I didn't say I hated him, but at some point an adult must take responsibility for themselves.
When you emotionally and sexually abandon your spouse then the vows hold very little water. It would be nice if traditional marriage always worked out, but it doesn't. :)

EnigmaticGeek · 61-69, M

@ravenwind43: I know where you're coming from. You're living like roommates, just like my now 3rd ex-wife and I used to do for several years.

In my case, we split in December, 2015, when I finally realized that she had lied to me about wanting children before we were married. Our divorce was final in March, 2017.

Now, I'm 57 and still haven't given up on having a family of my own, even though I do realize it will be difficult to find a woman of child-bearing age who would want at least two children with a guy my age.