Get you and your children out and safe then send him letter after

Sounds like you need support to deal with this. Is there a charity or official agency that helps abuse victims near you. One of the things that can happen is that you are made to feel you are alone and you're the problem. You sound very balanced to me...get some support and do what needs to be done. Best wishes for a better future.

If you’re really serious then you would just leave. How many times can you fight about the same thing and expect the 735th time to work? After 20 years you should be over petty fights and know each other well enough that you can be at least civil and content or just get out.

If you said anything he'd just be offended anyway

My marriage improved after I served him with adivorce,but he wanted to change and stopped drinking.I wish you well.I would not continue your path

Good luck whatever you decide 💚

Bounce

Gish that is such an enormous quandary

Get the hell away from him. Take the kids too.

Bounce and send him a letter (not an email or text) no dint admit that YOU did anything wrong and stick to the theme of what’s best for the kids. Doing an explanation prior to bouncing leads to more trouble.