Should I leave a dear john letter or just leave my Narc spouse? [I Marriage]
My husband and i have been together 20 years. Although I love him more than anything, we cant be together any more. He has an issue with critical words, verbal and emotional abuse towards me and my kids. I have asked him in the past to do counselling together, he always said its a waste of money and he doesnt need to pay anyone to point the finger at him. I always told him that it isnt to get anyone on my side, its to get us help.
I stayed for way too long hoping for change. I also didnt want the kids growing up without a father or in a broken home. But it broke my kids anyway and it broke me. I got to a point where I didnt realize I was being emotionally abused. Looking back, it seemed to have krept in, slowly.
He withholds love from myself and the kids when he is angry at me. I know everyone needs time to cool down, but he makes the kids feel like they did something wrong. He is cold and rude as well as witholding of hugs or love. He can never admit his wrongs either or apologize other than saying, (I said I was sorry and im over it, so you should be too). If he did something its apparently because that person deserved it.
I have been so depressed lately and so have my kids. I dont know how Ive let it get this far. I got to a point where I couldnt even think straight. My thoughts were so clouded with worry and walking on eggshells. It feels like a dark cloud is over our home. He has always told me that Im a terrible mother and that my kids hate me. Recently my kids have opened up to me about how toxic he is. Im not going to tell him they said so, because I dont want to get him in a rage and even though he can dish it out, I dont want to hurt him regarding the kid's image of him.
1 of my kids are older and we talked. My kid said that theyre tired of hearing and seeing the anger and abuse toward me. She said Im a great mother and said that it would be very hard to function in my shoes with all that he puts me through. She said that all of the kids would be happy If I left him.
We all love him very much, but we cant live like this. I have deep regret about staying as long as I have. I didnt think of the longterm effects.
Is it best to leave a letter with an explanation and hope he gets help, or is it best to just bounce?
I stayed for way too long hoping for change. I also didnt want the kids growing up without a father or in a broken home. But it broke my kids anyway and it broke me. I got to a point where I didnt realize I was being emotionally abused. Looking back, it seemed to have krept in, slowly.
He withholds love from myself and the kids when he is angry at me. I know everyone needs time to cool down, but he makes the kids feel like they did something wrong. He is cold and rude as well as witholding of hugs or love. He can never admit his wrongs either or apologize other than saying, (I said I was sorry and im over it, so you should be too). If he did something its apparently because that person deserved it.
I have been so depressed lately and so have my kids. I dont know how Ive let it get this far. I got to a point where I couldnt even think straight. My thoughts were so clouded with worry and walking on eggshells. It feels like a dark cloud is over our home. He has always told me that Im a terrible mother and that my kids hate me. Recently my kids have opened up to me about how toxic he is. Im not going to tell him they said so, because I dont want to get him in a rage and even though he can dish it out, I dont want to hurt him regarding the kid's image of him.
1 of my kids are older and we talked. My kid said that theyre tired of hearing and seeing the anger and abuse toward me. She said Im a great mother and said that it would be very hard to function in my shoes with all that he puts me through. She said that all of the kids would be happy If I left him.
We all love him very much, but we cant live like this. I have deep regret about staying as long as I have. I didnt think of the longterm effects.
Is it best to leave a letter with an explanation and hope he gets help, or is it best to just bounce?
