I Know About Long Distance Relationships
Hi, All. There seems to be an upsurge these days in the number of long distance relationships, perhaps as a result of the popularity of online dating. You often hear about people being in long-distance relationships, and maybe some of you even know someone who is in one (or maybe you are in one yourself!)
I myself am in one, and have been for over four years now. Soon that will hopefully be coming to an end, as my girlfriend and I will be applying for a visa so she can move to the United States to be with me (she currently lives in Europe.)
It has not been easy these past four years, and C (my girlfriend) and I have broken up a few times, only to decide we love each other too much to give up that easily. While there have been other factors besides just the distance that have added to our woes, the distance itself is one of the top challenges we have had to deal with. There are still days when it is very hard and I miss her a lot- and especially since she spent a couple of months with me recently, but had to return home. Having her here was amazing, although there was a bit of an adjustment period in the first few weeks. Still, spending time with her in person helped to solidify in my mind the certainty that I do, in fact, want to be with her forever. My apartment now feels so empty without her in it, and I am always trying to stay busy whenever I'm at home so I don't start missing her too much.
We communicate through Skype, Whatsapp, and email (usually the first two.) C likes her space and doesn't want me "checking up" on her every day, although I gladly could if it didn't bother her, but I do respect and understand her feelings. I tend to be more clingy than she and a bit insecure, and as such seem to need reassurance that she loves me every day. But when I start to feel that way, I just keep in mind a couple of things. First and foremost, I am now confident that she, too, also loves me. We have been through so much together (not counting the distance,) and we have so many quirks in common. Also, she tells me she loves me, and I believe her. Secondly, (and this may sound a bit silly,) I think of the 38 Special song "Hold on Loosely" and it helps to put into perspective that "clinging too tightly" can backfire in a relationship. While I tend to be clingy, many people (including C) are not, and it is off-putting when someone- even someone they really care about- needs constant, daily affection and reassurance. I know I have OCD tendencies (though not full-blown OCD, at least not yet,) and so needing reassurance in general is a big thing with me. It is an issue that I am working on, and thanks to being in a long-distance relationship with C for over four years, I have learned to challenge old habits and tendencies I've always had but never before thought much about. Looking back, though, I can see how my tendency to be clingy did drive away some of my exes. I am just glad that C is so loyal, stubborn, and forgiving, and in spite of (and maybe even BECAUSE of) our long-distance relationship, we have gotten to know each other on a deeper level than I ever did anyone else I've dated.
So, if anyone has any questions about long-distance relationships, feel free to ask in the comments or send me a mail. I'd be happy to give you some advice based on my own experiences, and I might write more later. For now I do want to conclude with the opinion that, yes, long-distance relationships CAN work, but they do take a great amount of patience, effort and love from both parties.
I myself am in one, and have been for over four years now. Soon that will hopefully be coming to an end, as my girlfriend and I will be applying for a visa so she can move to the United States to be with me (she currently lives in Europe.)
It has not been easy these past four years, and C (my girlfriend) and I have broken up a few times, only to decide we love each other too much to give up that easily. While there have been other factors besides just the distance that have added to our woes, the distance itself is one of the top challenges we have had to deal with. There are still days when it is very hard and I miss her a lot- and especially since she spent a couple of months with me recently, but had to return home. Having her here was amazing, although there was a bit of an adjustment period in the first few weeks. Still, spending time with her in person helped to solidify in my mind the certainty that I do, in fact, want to be with her forever. My apartment now feels so empty without her in it, and I am always trying to stay busy whenever I'm at home so I don't start missing her too much.
We communicate through Skype, Whatsapp, and email (usually the first two.) C likes her space and doesn't want me "checking up" on her every day, although I gladly could if it didn't bother her, but I do respect and understand her feelings. I tend to be more clingy than she and a bit insecure, and as such seem to need reassurance that she loves me every day. But when I start to feel that way, I just keep in mind a couple of things. First and foremost, I am now confident that she, too, also loves me. We have been through so much together (not counting the distance,) and we have so many quirks in common. Also, she tells me she loves me, and I believe her. Secondly, (and this may sound a bit silly,) I think of the 38 Special song "Hold on Loosely" and it helps to put into perspective that "clinging too tightly" can backfire in a relationship. While I tend to be clingy, many people (including C) are not, and it is off-putting when someone- even someone they really care about- needs constant, daily affection and reassurance. I know I have OCD tendencies (though not full-blown OCD, at least not yet,) and so needing reassurance in general is a big thing with me. It is an issue that I am working on, and thanks to being in a long-distance relationship with C for over four years, I have learned to challenge old habits and tendencies I've always had but never before thought much about. Looking back, though, I can see how my tendency to be clingy did drive away some of my exes. I am just glad that C is so loyal, stubborn, and forgiving, and in spite of (and maybe even BECAUSE of) our long-distance relationship, we have gotten to know each other on a deeper level than I ever did anyone else I've dated.
So, if anyone has any questions about long-distance relationships, feel free to ask in the comments or send me a mail. I'd be happy to give you some advice based on my own experiences, and I might write more later. For now I do want to conclude with the opinion that, yes, long-distance relationships CAN work, but they do take a great amount of patience, effort and love from both parties.
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