the guilt is eating me alive
this is a continuation of my 2 previous posts
im forced to be around my brother until i get that important thing in the mail (he needs to send it to me), it's been extremely hard for me because im forced to be around someone i want, yet cant have. to make this easier, ive lessened the communication. i cant completely leave just yet (i believe getting away from him is best for both of us. this would mean be doesnt have to be around his incestuous sister, and it would mean i wouldnt have to be around someone i want yet cant have), but i can lessen the communication. ive said the bare minimum
he's starting to notice that im not talking to him as much anymore. i think he knows something is off. on top of that, when i told him i was moving out of his house due to the hard thing i was going through, he looked so sad and upset. he looked crushed. he tells me how much he loves me and how much i mean to him. the guilt is eating me alive. he loves me as a sister, i love him as a boyfriend. im such a vile, horrid, putrid, wretched excuse for a human being
ive failed him as a sister. i never thought i'd live to see myself become the villain (ive become the villain by developing a crush on my own sibling), but i will admit, ive become the villain. and i may be a villain, but im a remorseful villain. i am very well aware of the fact when i die/my judgement day comes, i will be walking through fire and brimstone instead of the pearly gates. when i die, im going to hell, but at least i will be on the righteous side of hell
im forced to be around my brother until i get that important thing in the mail (he needs to send it to me), it's been extremely hard for me because im forced to be around someone i want, yet cant have. to make this easier, ive lessened the communication. i cant completely leave just yet (i believe getting away from him is best for both of us. this would mean be doesnt have to be around his incestuous sister, and it would mean i wouldnt have to be around someone i want yet cant have), but i can lessen the communication. ive said the bare minimum
he's starting to notice that im not talking to him as much anymore. i think he knows something is off. on top of that, when i told him i was moving out of his house due to the hard thing i was going through, he looked so sad and upset. he looked crushed. he tells me how much he loves me and how much i mean to him. the guilt is eating me alive. he loves me as a sister, i love him as a boyfriend. im such a vile, horrid, putrid, wretched excuse for a human being
ive failed him as a sister. i never thought i'd live to see myself become the villain (ive become the villain by developing a crush on my own sibling), but i will admit, ive become the villain. and i may be a villain, but im a remorseful villain. i am very well aware of the fact when i die/my judgement day comes, i will be walking through fire and brimstone instead of the pearly gates. when i die, im going to hell, but at least i will be on the righteous side of hell
