How I figured out that I was incest

I never met the man that I was named after until 2017. So when stimulus checks first came out after the COVID outbreak the United States government never gave me a stimulus check. So the government was sending my mother 400 dollars a month out of the man's stimulus checks I was named after and I wrote a letter to the Columbus State capital building asking the FBI why I haven't received a stimulus check.

So they swabbed the saliva off of my envelope and figured out that me and my uncle have the same DNA and we are father and son but also I could have gotten 1000 women pregnant and the cops never told me about it because they thought they all belonged to one of us instead of the both of us.

So my uncle got on the phone pissed off because he wasn't receiving anymore stimulus checks. And I thought yeah, and if I ever figure out that I was born sterile I'm gonna fucking strangle you because the government wants to shoot the both of us.

You'd think that the guy that I was named after would be happy that I stopped the government from stealing portions of his stimulus checks after that but he got pissed of at me and still calls me on the phone saying. Why the fuck do you keep calling your uncle your dad? And I said, because after the FBI tested my saliva they figured it out and he said that I was full of shit and I was a liar.

Fuck humanity