Recently I was asked if I had...(If you don't like long posts please don't read.)
any advice I could give about marriage. I have been asked this before because my Husband and I have been married for 45 years, but the truth is, I don't feel qualified to give any advice. My marriage has been a struggle, with many ups and downs. There have been good times, and there have been very rough times. Over the years, things have settled down, and love has grown stronger, but the first 20 years, we got through only by bare-knuckling it and pure determination to keep our wedding vows.😦
The second 20 years, we learned it was ok to give each other personal space, and the arguing and feuding became less and less, but it never stopped. Communication was something we struggled with greatly. Then, over the years, as each fight left deep emotional scars, we learned to come at each other in a defensive mode. Looking intensely for each word that might represent something designed to hurt. It became almost impossible to talk about anything except surface things. Like the weather, the plans for the day, or the kids and grandkids. Anything else was guaranteed to cause deep hurt, whether that was the true intention or not. We learned that in order to protect our hearts, we had to look for the hurtful words, imagining them even when they were not there.😥
The last five years, my Husband began to have cognitive issues, but he didn't tell me, and I attributed his forgetfulness to ordinary aging. My Husband would be short-tempered with me and easily frustrated with me if I didn't understand what he was trying to say to me or teach me. He was like this with the kids, too, but to a lesser degree. I finally decided that my Husband just didn't love me anymore, and I started to question if he ever really did love me or if he had only stayed with me for the 2 generations of children we raised. It was a very sad time for me in many ways.😔
However, when I confessed to my Husband that I had forgotten how to zip my coat (even though I remembered the next day how to do this) he finally opened up and told me what he had really been going through over the last 5 years. He hadn't wanted to tell me because he didn't want to worry me. 😥
So, if I did have any advice for couples, it would be try to perfect communicating with each other. In my opinion, it is the key to a happy marriage or a more difficult marriage.❤
I have also been asked how we stayed together so long, and the answer to that question is we just didn't give up. There was no other secret for us.❤
One other thing I would add is that the biggest regret I have is taking my Husband for granted, even for one day of our marriage. No matter if he passes away first or if I do, we will deeply miss every day we spent together and wish we had been more present in each other's lives. Life is short, so very very short..😔
