Growing Old Together

Somehow, when my Husband and I were first talking of marriage so many decades ago, and we would say things like I want to grow old with you, I envisioned us with grey hair and wrinkled faces, but nothing else. I guess the idea that our minds and bodies would age, too, just didn't cross my mind back then.🤷‍♀

A couple of days ago, when I told my Husband that I had forgotten how to zip my coat, he opened up to me about some troubles he has been having with his cognitive abilities. He hadn't told me because he didn't want me to worry. I mean, I did notice things like he would forget why he came into a room, or forget where he put things, or have to make many trips back upstairs from his workshop in the basement because he forgot his glasses or whatever, but he is 66 years old, so I guess I thought it was just normal aging.😔

He told me, when he opened up to me, though, that he had been forgetting lifelong skills too, but just like with me, he would remember the skills the next day, or sometimes in an hour or so. He is so healthy physically, and I guess I have always seen him as too strong to ever have issues. We have been worried about his health because of family health issues for some time. His father died at 65 from cancer, and his oldest brother got Alzheimer's at 70 years old. His brother's family put him into a home ( even though my Husband and I begged them to let his brother live with us), and within a few years, he had passed away. So, both my Husband and I have been worried about these things. For this reason, my Husband retired in his early 50's. I didn't want him to not have had any time to enjoy life if he were to pass away as early as some of his family members. 😔

I asked my Husband why he didn't tell me about the cognitive issues, and as I said, he told me he didn't want me to worry, but I think it is more than that. I have always needed him to be strong. Because of a bad childhood, I have always needed to know he would protect me. He has always been the head of our household, and we have all depended on him to always be in charge. My Husband has been increasingly irritable and easily frustrated with the kids and I over the last couple of years, but because he didn't tell me what was happening, I just thought he didn't love me anymore. Now I know it was because he is struggling, and he felt he couldn't talk to me about it. I feel so sad about that. 😔

I didn't feel inhibited about talking to him. In fact, the first thing I did was tell him, because it scared me so much. Since we opened up to each other, we have become much softer towards each other. We are growing old together, but it isn't what I expected when I said I wanted to grow old with him 45 years ago. My young self could never have envisioned what old age was really like. I am still very glad we are growing old together. He is my best friend, and he always has been, and I will be here for him for as long as I am able, and I know he will be with me for as long as he is able to as well.❤

Each day together has become more precious to me than allthe previous days together, as I know our time together is not guaranteed. I listen closer when he talks to me. I am patient when he is sharp with me, because I understand a little of what he is going through now. It is strange how a couple changes over a lifetime. This is what real love is all about, and it took many years to be as precious as it is now. ❤

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