Becoming One Over The Years
I am feeling very guilty right now, like I have done something wrong, but I have not. I am reading La Rochefoucauld Maxims, and it just has me so captivated that all else around me has faded into the background for a moment, only a moment. 😔
Yet, this profound guilt threatens to decrease my enjoyment of this moment. I used to enjoy reading so very much. My Husband and I both did. We have bookcase after bookcase full of books on all kinds of subjects, but some time, during the raising of our second generation of children ( our biological grandchildren), we both kind of fell away from reading so much.😔
No one is making me feel guilty but myself. My Husband is tired, he says. He wakes up each day at 3am to take our daughter to work at 4am. This isn't much different than his normal sleep schedule, though. He is always up by 4am. So, he tells me this is what I am feeling when I sense a certain displeasure in him about my reading this book. This could be truth, as I have gotten older, I have become somewhat more sensitive, and confused about what others are feeling, if they don't tell me. Still, I don't think this is the whole picture.😔
All my life, I have given my attention to my Husband, children, mother, brother, dogs, etc., as I thought they needed from me. This has translated into almost all my attention being showered on others, while reserving very little for myself. I have been happy in doing so, but as all my children have grown, the youngest is now 22, I find my attention turning more inward. I want (maybe need) to build up my own being. Yet, this overwhelming guilt for doing so is very hard for me to fight off.😔
Over the 45 years of marriage, my Husband and I have become one. You don't share a lifetime of experiences, and debate about what these experiences mean, and not become of like mind. Maybe this is why I feel guilty. I am reading something my Husband will never read. Maybe I am worried that this will affect the connection we share, because I am exposing myself to something other than shared experiences. However, how could that possibly be so? 🤔
I don't know if other wives, married til death you do part, traditional mothers, who dedicate all they are to family, when they are finally allowed to have the time to figure out who they are, feel this way or not.🤔
In any event, I know I am being silly, and that it is good for me to expand my mind in wholesome ways like reading this wonderful collection of aphorisms and reflections on human nature and conduct. 🙂
I want to thank my friend for recommending La Rochefoucauld Maxims. I am enjoying this greatly...🙂
Now back to La Rochefoucauld Maxims with less guilt due to writing my feelings down. Sometimes, I do dearly love to write. 🙂
Yet, this profound guilt threatens to decrease my enjoyment of this moment. I used to enjoy reading so very much. My Husband and I both did. We have bookcase after bookcase full of books on all kinds of subjects, but some time, during the raising of our second generation of children ( our biological grandchildren), we both kind of fell away from reading so much.😔
No one is making me feel guilty but myself. My Husband is tired, he says. He wakes up each day at 3am to take our daughter to work at 4am. This isn't much different than his normal sleep schedule, though. He is always up by 4am. So, he tells me this is what I am feeling when I sense a certain displeasure in him about my reading this book. This could be truth, as I have gotten older, I have become somewhat more sensitive, and confused about what others are feeling, if they don't tell me. Still, I don't think this is the whole picture.😔
All my life, I have given my attention to my Husband, children, mother, brother, dogs, etc., as I thought they needed from me. This has translated into almost all my attention being showered on others, while reserving very little for myself. I have been happy in doing so, but as all my children have grown, the youngest is now 22, I find my attention turning more inward. I want (maybe need) to build up my own being. Yet, this overwhelming guilt for doing so is very hard for me to fight off.😔
Over the 45 years of marriage, my Husband and I have become one. You don't share a lifetime of experiences, and debate about what these experiences mean, and not become of like mind. Maybe this is why I feel guilty. I am reading something my Husband will never read. Maybe I am worried that this will affect the connection we share, because I am exposing myself to something other than shared experiences. However, how could that possibly be so? 🤔
I don't know if other wives, married til death you do part, traditional mothers, who dedicate all they are to family, when they are finally allowed to have the time to figure out who they are, feel this way or not.🤔
In any event, I know I am being silly, and that it is good for me to expand my mind in wholesome ways like reading this wonderful collection of aphorisms and reflections on human nature and conduct. 🙂
I want to thank my friend for recommending La Rochefoucauld Maxims. I am enjoying this greatly...🙂
Now back to La Rochefoucauld Maxims with less guilt due to writing my feelings down. Sometimes, I do dearly love to write. 🙂
56-60, F
