Hamster on a wheel

My mind never stops. It's always been running with thoughts. Makes it hard to sleep, pay attention, and to stop asking questions. Recently I've done a lot of thinking about my lack of a companion and it kind of hit me. It's because I'm very selfish and do not provide what is needed in order for a relationship to develop and blossom into love. I give it some but not the things that seem to matter. I can provide, nurture, protect and project my loyalty because I am very honest and faithful. But I have horrible emotional skills and seem to remain wound and puckered up tight like a butthole. I wish i knew why. Now something new came. I realized that I have gotten more sexual satisfaction when I finish if I do it by myself. I think its cause of a lack of emotional attachment. I believe thats also why I never cared if a woman enjoyed having sex with me. Once i get mine, we can part ways. In a way I think i see a woman as a dry wag to dry my hands on and when their dry I throw the towel to the side and never think of it again. I have met women I liked and maybe even loved but they lost that feeling for me after a while. Probably because of these same emotional issues. Now I am stuck wondering what the fuck happened to me