I need Discipline

I am a seeker. I have seen and felt so many things in my life that make no rational sense... and i dont reject these experiences and try to rationalise them, and I have felt for along time thatthe arrow of time is somehow a floored idea. So some have shown that falling down a graivtional well is actually increasing entroipy. And wht isf the Wheeler postulate is right that the positorn, and therefore all antimatter it just matter moving backwards trhough time. It would experience decreasing entropy eben as our entroy rises. It woulkd fall away form mass eevn as we fall toward it. Suddenly the filament and inflationary stucture of the universe makes complete sense. And God said I was there at our neigninng and at your end and I know evetything about your future and your past, so ig GHod says we have free will then somehow we odnt have to obey the laws of physocs and can change the future and hence the past. Soudns crazy but I read that experiements with electronic shift registers have already shown that positrons appear to travel backwards in time - though I havent seen the papers so would not be able to comment futher. What I really like about the theory is it feels so right because it simplifies eveythig down to one simple wavefunction (Ok complex) which just keeps chaning (s other eis apurpose and every one of us is part of that purpose and that makes me feel good). Thats why Im interested. I have built thigns my whole life only to find them being knocked down aagin - that is the process of life. But this feels like a good idea. Our arrow of time is only an illuson.We are in very moment of our lif forever even though we are not aware of ti and the future may undo the errors of our past. How about that for a Monday morning !