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So I have this... 'friend'

When I'm straight shooting with the way I speak to her she's okay but if I start joking around she runs away 🏃🏻‍♀️
So I've been trying not to joke around when speaking with her, but I feel like I'm holding back a part of myself - should I continue to hold that part of myself back to tend to her needs or shall I just be 100% me and if she doesn't like it she can go? Or do you suggest something else entirely?
SW User
If you're trying to "NOT" be you when you're around a person or you're trying to not say the wrong thing as you know how they'll react.. then this is a huge red flag.. run run run...

I feel the person you're talking about is the one with the issues and doesn't like you for who you really are, she just likes you when you are a certain way.. NO NO NO>. this is not OK

I have experience in my past with a man, If I said certain things it would annoy him and he'd get nasty with comments to me and then I'd find myself upset, trying to not say those things and trying to apologise for something that I don't really know what it was I did wrong..
Obviously that relationship was an absolute disaster..
He said she runs away when he jokes so maybe he should let her. That would be the answer then. [@435994,MightyAphrodite]
SW User
[@14748,Zebrawl] I totally agree with you.. If it were me, next time she runs I'd let her go.
SW User
[@14748,Zebrawl] Or is it, that she loves to be chased?
SW User
Well, you should be 100% you. If she runs away, let her go. A true friend is someone who stays with you.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@700444,Anna111] True. But then maybe she's guarding herself bcoz of what she's been through in the past, in which case I need to be more considerate 🤔
SW User
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] Well, it's up to you to decide.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@700444,Anna111] indeed. Thank you :)
Be yourself n let her go if she is not into your kind of light heartedness.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
I understand what you're saying, but I like her though 🙂[@24735,Silentspectator]
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] [quote]alright then.[/quote]
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@24735,Silentspectator] 😆
Magenta · F
Hmm, sometimes "jokes" come across as rude or maybe she takes them too seriously. Depends on [i]what[/i] you are joking about. It doesn't hurt to curb certain parts of our behavior for the sake of love or friendship, as long as you aren't having to stifle yourself too much, it's part of compromise. Maybe discuss it with her..??
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@1173,Magenta] I'm pretty sure it's not coming across as rude, I'm staying away from those kinda jokey digs with her 😁
I don't think discussing it with her is an option...
I think curbing for now will be the best option. I feel maybe she doesn't trust me enough yet so she's guarded.
Magenta · F
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] Aah I see. Yes, perhaps she doesn't know [i]how[/i] to respond or react, hence the running away.

Sounds like a wise choice...when she knows you better/is more comfortable perhaps she will react differently. Best wishes! 😊
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@1173,Magenta] Maybe. Just have to see how it goes 😬
Thank you x
Sicarium · 41-45, M
If you're holding back because she can't handle it, that's not a friend.
Okay bye [@33564,Sicarium]
MrDiegoWolfe · 31-35, M
[@14748,Zebrawl] it's funny for a guy who claims to not care what others feel or think that boy got butt hurt sure darn fast!
Sicarium · 41-45, M
[@1009693,MrDiegoWolfe] Me: "This is how I see things."

@Zebrawl: "This makes me feel this way so you need to change what you say, but you're the one who makes everyone bow to you."

Me: "No."

@MrDiegoWolfe: "OMG, that guy is so butthurt."

Me: "Welcome to Idiocracy, brought to you by a projecting troll who's still upset I wouldn't play his mental game."
I would only cut back on the jokes as much as what makes you feel comfortable. I think you have to decide that. I don’t think you can be someone you’re not.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@14748,Zebrawl] we're not having a war 🙂
Good because I never told you should or should not do anything. [@551840,TheGoodGuy]
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@14748,Zebrawl] I know, you just said about cutting back on the jokes to what makes me feel comfortable. Thank you 🙂
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Be yourself. You shouldn’t have to conform to others. That’s not a real friendship and the person sounds like they have issues unless your jokes go over their head and they are uncomfortable. I’ve had that happen to me. Either the jokes were so dumb or nothing I understood which made me hated talking to the person.
Or they don’t always joke and the person doesn’t relate. [@11509,Keepitsimple]
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@11509,Keepitsimple] Hehe. Thanks 😁
ImplodingVoices · 41-45, F
Some friends we have to be careful with.
Really, this depends on if you want to keep the friendship going in the way that you currently are. Might be that she isn't sure how to respond. Or for whatever reason your jokes make her uncomfortable. you should ask her about it. Figure out, with her, what to do. If she doesn't like that, than maybe its not really a friendship worth perusing.
skymint · 31-35, F
Be yourself ✌
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@764264,missahjen] Thank you 🙂
Montanaman · M
🏃🤹🏾‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️
[@701855,Montanaman] nice but worn out idea.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@701855,Montanaman] Lol. Please explain Mr Montana
Montanaman · M
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] *runs away...chases after...*
Do what's comfortable to her
.. don't sabotage your friendship. Just be patient until she knows you well.
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
Thanks. Good advice 🙂
Only thing is that I've known her for over a year already... 😬[@372543,Vivaci]
be yourself
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@980195,IseeBeautifulThingsAroundYou] Can't I be you instead? 😛😂 jk
Thank you 😊

I hope my joking doesn't make [b]you[/b] run away 🙃
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] :) no it won't
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@980195,IseeBeautifulThingsAroundYou] Woohoo! 🥳🥰
SW User
Be you or don't be anything at all to her
BalmyNites · F
You should always be true to yourself 💜
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
Even if that might mean losing someone? I mean I'm not being someone completely different, just adapting slightly [@561899,BalmyNites]
BalmyNites · F
[@551840,TheGoodGuy] Why ask the question then
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
[@561899,BalmyNites] What do you mean?
Ask her what's up and if/why you joking around bothers her, and proceed from there?
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
I don't think that's an option, 🙂[@405723,AmbivalentFriability]
melissabraces · 31-35, F
good luck !
TheGoodGuy · 36-40, M
Thanks Melissa 🙂[@846386,melissabraces]

 
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