What should I do?

So, there's this guy that I've known for two years, and I always felt that there was something between us. Last year I really started to see it when we would meet up and talk for hours until the early morning. We just seemed to get each other. I could see it in his eyes how much he cared. Anyways, over the summer, we kept talking and made it quite clear that we were attracted to each other and wanted to do something about it. We came up with a ton of ideas for what we wanted to do together when we got back to school, and overall, it was going well.

When we got back to school, we met up and he asked if I liked hiking and suggested we go hiking together sometime. I also told him that I preferred white wine to red and he said "he'll change that." It appeared he wanted to play a more active role in my life. I even met some of his family at a rock concert he took me to. Because they thought we were dating and he called me "his girl," I thought we were dating. When I asked him what we were, he said he always thought we were just friends. And that despite the fact that he claims we have a connection and attraction, he said he wasn't looking for a relationship with anybody.

He said he's 110% okay with remaining friends, but gets jealous anytime I mention another guy. I really care for him and know that I couldn't engage in anything casual with him as it would hurt me if he got with anyone else. What should I do? I can't drop him completely from my life. Doesn't it seem like he's incapable of being friends too?

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TexChik · F Best Comment

Tell him its time to get off the fence and make a decision. Either he is friend zoned and you start accepting date offers from other men or you two are an exclusive couple willing to see where romance might take you. Its either or. Sure he may choose the friend route, but at least you will know where you stand if that happened and know he does not share your feelings...and you can move on. Or , and more likely, it will light a fire under him and he will gather the courage to take the plunge. Guys are always afraid of getting dumped or hurt much more than women are. But the not knowing and standing around waiting for one of you to be brave enough to finally do something is not going to end well. Stir the pot, force a decision...have fun!

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik Thanks for the insight!

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem At least you will know. Hope it works out! Thanks for the BA

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@TexChik Great insight. My problem with him is the indecisiveness. That's a bad personal trait. She's mentioning other guys and he STILL isn't acting. F this guy. :)

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@uncalled4 I think I have to actually tell him I'm moving on for him to actually get it. I agree his indecisiveness is very unattractive.

TexChik · F

@uncalled4 He doesn't want to be embarrassed and he doesn't have the confidence to feel like he can out compete all others for her attentions. Very typical. If she makes him feel that he must act or will lose her... That might just knock the rust of his mojo

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem He's just afraid.

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik I honestly think he just took me for granted. He thought he had a strong enough hold on me for me to be ok with something casual. Like he essentially wants me to be exclusive with him, but for him to be able to keep his options open. I don't take double standards like that

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem That absolutely is not an acceptable solution. His options are you or not you. Standing your ground and making it clear that you are a catch should get him motivated. If not, date other guys. If he is the one you want...you can make sure you run into him enough to give him the opportunity to ask you on a date.

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik Exactly! If you're not going to commit, you cannot reap the benefits... it's as simple as that. I felt like he wanted all the benefits of a relationship without the title

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem Oh sure, any guy would want that if he could get it...but the idea is so outrageous and lazy that its angering. Lord help him if he pisses you off!

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik Oh I was definitely angry after the fact. I couldn't sleep all night. Yet when he came over to talk to me about it, he got to me and I softened up. I'm weak like that

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem because you like him. Maybe you should make him jealous, go out with someone. If he complains to you just tell him that guy manned up and called you and asked you out on a date ...like men are supposed to do when they like a woman.

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik Funny because I ran into this other guy that I used to have class with and he wants to take me out to lunch this upcoming week. I'm not really interested, but he doesn't really need to know that. When he proposed the casual relationship he said he didn't want me to tell him about the things I was doing with other people. I think it's because he knows it'd hurt him

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem Go to lunch with the guy. A nice peck on the cheek and a thank you are all you need to do in return. Once people see you going out, others will start asking you. Why not enjoy yourself a little bit? You may even have to use frank language with your desired quarry such as " shit or get off the pot"...with regards to you. It shouldn't need to come to that. But at this point, enjoy school and dating.

purpleemandem · 26-30, F

@TexChik Thank you!!

TexChik · F

@purpleemandem 😉