I Am Going Through a Break-up

He is amazing, kind, gentle, wonderful and loving. WE worked well together. We loved each other. But ultimately it always felt temporary (even after 10 months). Like we were just satisfying each other's immediate needs to not be lonely. I crave physical affection. He gave me that. The thing that finally got to me was that we wanted different things from life. It was a good few months with so many good experiences. But we also went through so much crap together in the short time and we helped each other through it. Now it just feels wrong. I want to find my forever person and I want him to be happy with his. I think he started to take me for granted too. He says I'm "the one", yet I don't feel the same. Maybe I just need some space and in the future things will be different again... I just don't know. My heart feels numb... Thank God for dissociation. Aha.

(First 24 hours no contact after nearly a year of talking every day...)

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

How are you doing with the no contact thus far?

PandorasBox · 31-35, F

@lovingdead It is pretty hard. But actually we did it. I don't want to be the one to cave in and message because I don't think that's fair when I am the one who suggested space. Even though it was a mutual break up. I hope that we will be able to stay in contact eventually.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@PandorasBox that's a good outlook. Parting does not have to be bad or tragic. Has anything been helping? Books, music, movies, writing, walking/driving, etc? What kind of thoughts have been going through your head?

PandorasBox · 31-35, F

@lovingdead well.... funny you should ask. I'm actually going through a bereavement at the moment so I'm planning a funeral a distraction 😅
A close family member passed away and I was left in charge.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@PandorasBox well shit, I can attest that nothing numbs pain like tragedy. And I don't mean to speak out of turn but don't let yourself get too use to that numbness, pain can be helpful, it let's us know we're not dead or dreaming. Thus being awake give us a chance to make those dreams real and live.

PandorasBox · 31-35, F

@lovingdead You're right. But I dissociate quite regularly. All my life I've tried to reach for dreams but something always gets in the way. I get too scared to dream.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@PandorasBox any guesses why that is? When reaching for the stars you risk falling, but at the same time that's 2jat makes them worth it. They make you earn them.

PandorasBox · 31-35, F

My life is pretty much me jumping from one frying pan to another. I've lived through some hellish moments. Heck, just in this last year I've had 4 bereavements in less than 8 months - which has meant that I've had to put my life on hold. But I'm ok. I don't like pity. Pain just gets in my way time and time again. Most of the time it's things out of my control. The only regret I have is what if I've lost the only person who would ever love me?... But then being single is better than wholly depending on someone.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@PandorasBox I can relate more than I'd like to admit, and ideally you should always have someone to love you, that person being yourself. Yet truthfully I'm a hypocrit. I have the same issues thus I know how heavy they can be