I Have A Breastfeeding Obsession
I lived in Germany when I was between 4 and 7 years old. I remember going to kindergarten, first and the start of second grade before we moved back to the United States. Even at that young age I remember daydreaming in my room. I would pace the floor and just daydream, not about arbitrary things, but one thing in particular...breastfeeding.
I have always loved breastfeeding. I can remember back to the third grade and fantasizing about a student teacher we had who had fairly large breasts (or what I thought was large at that time) and about her allowing me to suckle her. I would eagerly wait for the JCPenney and Sears catalogs to show up so I could see the women models in the nursing bras.
As my fantasizing continued, my mind would create the perfect "mother", one with naturally large breasts, and for me, the larger the better for at that time I equated large breasts with more milk production, which I now know is not correlated. I don't believe it was from lack of love that I though/think about breastfeeding so much. I knew my mom loved me so much. But I think act of nursing is what I yearn for most. Not the sexual, but the nurturing love that only a mom can give when she allows her child to latch onto her breast and suckle. It's a very personal thing and creates a bond like no other. I think of how much love a woman must have to want to give of herself to that child, to produce milk for him, or when he is older, just allow the child to comfort nurse when they are in pain or the stress of a child's life gets to be too much for the child. To me, that is a lot of love because women can always give formula to a hungry child but giving of yourself in that way is so special, so wonderful.
My daydreams consisted of women who were mostly large breasted. Back then I equated large breasts with milk quantities because all I knew was that cows had huge udders and produce a lot of milk. I would chose a mom with large breasts and she would lovingly agree to nurse me. I loved the thought of that, of being able to just ask and be nursed, on demand if you will. I would spend hours day dreaming of that and similar nursing situations. All with busty moms nursing me and giving me that special love.
From my daydreams I moved into more visual. My love for reading allowed me to realize that in the Sears and JCPenney catalogs, I could see actual nursing bras, albeit there was not much to see but again, it was not the sexual nature of it but the mere fact that I could see the garment nursing mothers wore. When I looked at any woman, I immediately looked for breast size and then thought about what it would be like to breastfeed from them. As I got older, I realized that some of the women probably had nursed or are currently nursing children. It was never about the outside beauty (other than my love of large breasts) but that the mom would unselfishly give her breast to be suckled.
I always seemed to notice women who were nursing or who might be nursing and as I got older, I was able to go to libraries and read about nursing and inducing lactation. I'd go to bookstores and read up on anything to do with breastfeeding.
During my later high school years I started reading up on breastfeeding. I guess I just wanted to know all I could about nursing. The mechanics of how milk was produced, how the breasts changed during pregnancy, etc. Because women did not nurse in public a lot, it was also nice to be able to seen nursing photos in the books. I read whatever I could on the subject going to libraries and book stores. Libraries were easier as I could get the book off the shelf and go to another part of the library to read it. that way I would not be in the section when people came by and have to deal with the stares (my paranoia). Bookstores were a little harder in that I could purchase the book but having people behind me in the checkout line see what I was purchasing proved to be embarrassing, though I was not even in the check out line. I just knew how embarrassed I would be. That did not keep me from the purchase. I just spent a lot more time in the store waiting for the right time to enter the check out line.
I was amazed at some of my findings:
* Women's bodies don't actually produce milk until a day or so after birth. Before then colostrum is excreted to help the baby get ready for the milk. This can start as early as six months prior to the baby being born.
* Milk production, as with everything else in the human body, varies from woman to woman. There are some women who produce very little milk and others who produce copious amounts.
* Because of the calories needed to produce milk, lactating can help with body weight maintenance and even help to lose weight.
* Women who have never had children and adopt infants can actually induce lactation to produce milk and subsequently breastfeed their adopted infants.
* Some women's breasts increase up to five cup sizes or more when they are pregnant and begin nursing.
Having all this actual knowledge helped my daydreams to be less about fantasy and more of a desire for what could actually happen. Since I've gotten older, I've gone from pure daydreaming to thinking about actual situations that might occur with moms I have met in real life. I call my stories plausible fiction because they did not actually happen this way, but could have happened, meaning the story line makes sense and is not out of touch with reality.
I met my bride back in college and she had F-cup breasts at that time. The problem was that she was VERY self-conscious about it though they cause her no physical pain. She had breast reduction surgery (1981) after the first year we went out and went from a 36F to a small 36C. I was bummed at the time because I was not married to her I did not have much to say about it though I am the one who mentioned the breast reduction to her thinking if she had an out, maybe she would feel a little better about herself. The reduction did help her self esteem and ironically after watching a TLC show on breast reduction (1990's) and seeing the surgery she told me if she had to do it all over again, she would not have had the surgery. That statement also comes from the fact that when she had the surgery, the doctor gave her a 50/50 chance of being able to breastfeed and though she tried with each child (we have four) she was never able to produce enough milk and that made her sad. The other sad thing was back then talking about breastfeeding as an adult was taboo and since there really was not internet, there was really no way to share that info without putting yourself out there with the possibility of being made to feel like a pervert, so I kept it to myself though my bride knew I loved large natural breasts. A few years later I started writing stories involving breastfeeding as a release for me (If I can find them I will share them with you). I never wanted my bride to feel badly for having her breasts reduced. When I finally got the courage to share my love of nursing with her, she was receptive but the big problem was that because of the surgery, she does not really have much feeling in her breasts/nipples and my suckling is more of an aggravation than pleasure for her and though I love nursing/suckling my partner, her loving and enjoying it is as much or more important than me enjoying it.
Back in 1986, when I first got into computers, I set up a BBS (Bulletin Board System, pre-cursor to the Web) called "The Lactation Station". People called in and were able to message and interact with other regarding breastfeeding. Shortly after that I created a website called "Breastfeeding for Everyone". It was the first breastfeeding website that dealt with both "regular" breastfeeding and Adult Nursing. Back then new mothers contacted me asking advice or just sharing their thoughts on breastfeeding and lactation. I even had Breastfeeding.com ask me to post a link to their site when they started their site.
Over the years, I have chatted with quite a few folks interested in breastfeeding and have helped (via email, chat, and phone) encourage some women to induce lactation. I love helping and assisting whenever I can.
kraig
I have always loved breastfeeding. I can remember back to the third grade and fantasizing about a student teacher we had who had fairly large breasts (or what I thought was large at that time) and about her allowing me to suckle her. I would eagerly wait for the JCPenney and Sears catalogs to show up so I could see the women models in the nursing bras.
As my fantasizing continued, my mind would create the perfect "mother", one with naturally large breasts, and for me, the larger the better for at that time I equated large breasts with more milk production, which I now know is not correlated. I don't believe it was from lack of love that I though/think about breastfeeding so much. I knew my mom loved me so much. But I think act of nursing is what I yearn for most. Not the sexual, but the nurturing love that only a mom can give when she allows her child to latch onto her breast and suckle. It's a very personal thing and creates a bond like no other. I think of how much love a woman must have to want to give of herself to that child, to produce milk for him, or when he is older, just allow the child to comfort nurse when they are in pain or the stress of a child's life gets to be too much for the child. To me, that is a lot of love because women can always give formula to a hungry child but giving of yourself in that way is so special, so wonderful.
My daydreams consisted of women who were mostly large breasted. Back then I equated large breasts with milk quantities because all I knew was that cows had huge udders and produce a lot of milk. I would chose a mom with large breasts and she would lovingly agree to nurse me. I loved the thought of that, of being able to just ask and be nursed, on demand if you will. I would spend hours day dreaming of that and similar nursing situations. All with busty moms nursing me and giving me that special love.
From my daydreams I moved into more visual. My love for reading allowed me to realize that in the Sears and JCPenney catalogs, I could see actual nursing bras, albeit there was not much to see but again, it was not the sexual nature of it but the mere fact that I could see the garment nursing mothers wore. When I looked at any woman, I immediately looked for breast size and then thought about what it would be like to breastfeed from them. As I got older, I realized that some of the women probably had nursed or are currently nursing children. It was never about the outside beauty (other than my love of large breasts) but that the mom would unselfishly give her breast to be suckled.
I always seemed to notice women who were nursing or who might be nursing and as I got older, I was able to go to libraries and read about nursing and inducing lactation. I'd go to bookstores and read up on anything to do with breastfeeding.
During my later high school years I started reading up on breastfeeding. I guess I just wanted to know all I could about nursing. The mechanics of how milk was produced, how the breasts changed during pregnancy, etc. Because women did not nurse in public a lot, it was also nice to be able to seen nursing photos in the books. I read whatever I could on the subject going to libraries and book stores. Libraries were easier as I could get the book off the shelf and go to another part of the library to read it. that way I would not be in the section when people came by and have to deal with the stares (my paranoia). Bookstores were a little harder in that I could purchase the book but having people behind me in the checkout line see what I was purchasing proved to be embarrassing, though I was not even in the check out line. I just knew how embarrassed I would be. That did not keep me from the purchase. I just spent a lot more time in the store waiting for the right time to enter the check out line.
I was amazed at some of my findings:
* Women's bodies don't actually produce milk until a day or so after birth. Before then colostrum is excreted to help the baby get ready for the milk. This can start as early as six months prior to the baby being born.
* Milk production, as with everything else in the human body, varies from woman to woman. There are some women who produce very little milk and others who produce copious amounts.
* Because of the calories needed to produce milk, lactating can help with body weight maintenance and even help to lose weight.
* Women who have never had children and adopt infants can actually induce lactation to produce milk and subsequently breastfeed their adopted infants.
* Some women's breasts increase up to five cup sizes or more when they are pregnant and begin nursing.
Having all this actual knowledge helped my daydreams to be less about fantasy and more of a desire for what could actually happen. Since I've gotten older, I've gone from pure daydreaming to thinking about actual situations that might occur with moms I have met in real life. I call my stories plausible fiction because they did not actually happen this way, but could have happened, meaning the story line makes sense and is not out of touch with reality.
I met my bride back in college and she had F-cup breasts at that time. The problem was that she was VERY self-conscious about it though they cause her no physical pain. She had breast reduction surgery (1981) after the first year we went out and went from a 36F to a small 36C. I was bummed at the time because I was not married to her I did not have much to say about it though I am the one who mentioned the breast reduction to her thinking if she had an out, maybe she would feel a little better about herself. The reduction did help her self esteem and ironically after watching a TLC show on breast reduction (1990's) and seeing the surgery she told me if she had to do it all over again, she would not have had the surgery. That statement also comes from the fact that when she had the surgery, the doctor gave her a 50/50 chance of being able to breastfeed and though she tried with each child (we have four) she was never able to produce enough milk and that made her sad. The other sad thing was back then talking about breastfeeding as an adult was taboo and since there really was not internet, there was really no way to share that info without putting yourself out there with the possibility of being made to feel like a pervert, so I kept it to myself though my bride knew I loved large natural breasts. A few years later I started writing stories involving breastfeeding as a release for me (If I can find them I will share them with you). I never wanted my bride to feel badly for having her breasts reduced. When I finally got the courage to share my love of nursing with her, she was receptive but the big problem was that because of the surgery, she does not really have much feeling in her breasts/nipples and my suckling is more of an aggravation than pleasure for her and though I love nursing/suckling my partner, her loving and enjoying it is as much or more important than me enjoying it.
Back in 1986, when I first got into computers, I set up a BBS (Bulletin Board System, pre-cursor to the Web) called "The Lactation Station". People called in and were able to message and interact with other regarding breastfeeding. Shortly after that I created a website called "Breastfeeding for Everyone". It was the first breastfeeding website that dealt with both "regular" breastfeeding and Adult Nursing. Back then new mothers contacted me asking advice or just sharing their thoughts on breastfeeding and lactation. I even had Breastfeeding.com ask me to post a link to their site when they started their site.
Over the years, I have chatted with quite a few folks interested in breastfeeding and have helped (via email, chat, and phone) encourage some women to induce lactation. I love helping and assisting whenever I can.
kraig
61-69, M
