I Have Been In An Abusive Relationship
14 years of my life....I have wasted on my ex (till a year ago)
I cannot still tell you all the whole story (in a new relationship my partner will have to know the story though), I'll just tell the short version here.
The abuse was nothing physical, it was all mentally: manipulated me into getting what he wanted, took all my freedom away, all the things I enjoyed.
When I did have some fun in something he always found something to wipe the smile off my face.
Like....when I booked us a vacation somewhere...the night before he was always looking for a fight, managed to turn it all on me and said that we would stay home instead of going on vacation, that it was my fault we were not going.
He used me as a house slave, didn't do anything around the house to help me. He barely worked in all the years I was with him.
This means that financially he was a freeloader as well.
I also had suspicions about him having a wife and child in his native country (Pakistan), but always denied it so I thought....okay, maybe I'm in the wrong here.
But I wasn't....Recently I found proof that my suspicions were right in the first place, his wife made an account on FB with my ex and their child all over her page, full with pictures of them....
Sometimes I still wonder how someone can do this, or why I let it all happen. Everyone warned me for him, everyone saw how I unhappy I was. For everyone it was crystal clear that he was no good, but not for me at that time.
There is much more but I just can't tell you, maybe after a while....
With me he always put it off, about having kids, always had an excuse. I believe that he wanted a muslim wife that obeyed him and a muslim child, that this was the reason not wanting kids with me, because I never wanted to convert.
When I left him....I finally fought back and stood up for myself. He didn't expect this. I sold the car and made sure that he couldn't do anything bad to me anymore. He tried that time to influence me into coming back or letting him have what he wanted....that I would keep paying his bills. I said no way!!!
I just finished all my things (tv, internet, gas, electricity, water, etc....) and managed to get them on his name. It wasn't easy but I did it, and I was proud of myself finally standing up for myself. He was smart, oh yes, but I was smarter ;-)
Now I look back....I am stronger now than I was a year ago, and I know I never deserved it.
And I have sworn to myself since I left him...that I will not let it happen again.
I'm even open again for sth new.....but will never allow this again!!!!!
Yes I've learned, maybe in a way I'm thankful too. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?
I am happy, found joy again in my life, playing music again, meeting friends, keeping busy with hobbies and learning things that interest me.
Life is good and I feel blessed with the wonderful ppl in my life today.
I cannot still tell you all the whole story (in a new relationship my partner will have to know the story though), I'll just tell the short version here.
The abuse was nothing physical, it was all mentally: manipulated me into getting what he wanted, took all my freedom away, all the things I enjoyed.
When I did have some fun in something he always found something to wipe the smile off my face.
Like....when I booked us a vacation somewhere...the night before he was always looking for a fight, managed to turn it all on me and said that we would stay home instead of going on vacation, that it was my fault we were not going.
He used me as a house slave, didn't do anything around the house to help me. He barely worked in all the years I was with him.
This means that financially he was a freeloader as well.
I also had suspicions about him having a wife and child in his native country (Pakistan), but always denied it so I thought....okay, maybe I'm in the wrong here.
But I wasn't....Recently I found proof that my suspicions were right in the first place, his wife made an account on FB with my ex and their child all over her page, full with pictures of them....
Sometimes I still wonder how someone can do this, or why I let it all happen. Everyone warned me for him, everyone saw how I unhappy I was. For everyone it was crystal clear that he was no good, but not for me at that time.
There is much more but I just can't tell you, maybe after a while....
With me he always put it off, about having kids, always had an excuse. I believe that he wanted a muslim wife that obeyed him and a muslim child, that this was the reason not wanting kids with me, because I never wanted to convert.
When I left him....I finally fought back and stood up for myself. He didn't expect this. I sold the car and made sure that he couldn't do anything bad to me anymore. He tried that time to influence me into coming back or letting him have what he wanted....that I would keep paying his bills. I said no way!!!
I just finished all my things (tv, internet, gas, electricity, water, etc....) and managed to get them on his name. It wasn't easy but I did it, and I was proud of myself finally standing up for myself. He was smart, oh yes, but I was smarter ;-)
Now I look back....I am stronger now than I was a year ago, and I know I never deserved it.
And I have sworn to myself since I left him...that I will not let it happen again.
I'm even open again for sth new.....but will never allow this again!!!!!
Yes I've learned, maybe in a way I'm thankful too. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?
I am happy, found joy again in my life, playing music again, meeting friends, keeping busy with hobbies and learning things that interest me.
Life is good and I feel blessed with the wonderful ppl in my life today.
