Abusive relationships since I was a kid.

And finally, I'm settled in comfortably with someone who's the opposite. And he's kind, fun, smart, talented, hot, and he loves me, and I don't know why truthfully. I come with so much baggage. It took a lot of time to get comfortable but we made it. I'm so used to toxicity, that for a long time I'd run from relationships that weren't because I just couldn't be comfortable. It always felt off. At some point over the last five years, I've thought to myself that I really could have stayed with one or two of them and had a wonderful life with them. Oh well. I guess I had to go through some harder things to learn what love was and what it was not, and what it's like. Very happy with the man that I have now.

The tipping point for me was the last abusive relationship I was in. He almost killed me with his bare hands. Held weapons to me. Held me captive while he screamed at me and tormented me for hours. Forced me to stay with him. Brought hard drugs into my life after having six years sober from that. And the ultimately he framed me for doing something I did not do, and I still deal with consequences of that. I don't know the details of what for, it's gang related, and I was never involved in that world other than being with him but still was not involved in the things he was. It's made life quite difficult and that's something that's a extremely difficult to handle especially after finding out from that relationship who I am, what I want, what I don't want, and learning how to really live after almost dying at his hands so many times. If I told you some of what I deal with from those people now, you probably wouldn't believe it. It's something that police should be taking on and helping with but they do not, and frankly I've grown quite a dislike for them throughout all this. Sigh. I just wish I could figure out how to become free of it.