I Have Been In An Abusive Relationship

@JarJarBoom So what would you call it? Just being an ass? Lol (I’m asking seriously, because I’m curious)

@TenderHeart I think its about being selfish..when you are in a relationship you have to show that you care about the other person..mentally and physically. When you deny that you are clearly only thinking of yourself. Abusive is probably mostly name-calling or physical abuse.

@JarJarBoom or degrading, putting down, etc.

But if you look up child abuse, neglect is labeled as such and CPS will get involved. So why wouldn’t it be the same for an adult?

@TenderHeart Well, with CPS neglect in their eyes would be like not taking your kid to the doctor..or taking care of your childs needs..like feeding them. I really haven't heard of CPS taking away kids based on emotional neglect.


I think emotional neglect in a relationship is just a bit different because as adults we are able to really take ourselves to the doctor or get those basic needs taken care of.

@JarJarBoom a lack of awareness about ones own actions (selfishness, emotional blackmail, cruelty, manipulation, whatever) doesn’t negate the damage it does to another person

@Fluffy407 no it doesn't negate it...but does it deem it as abusive? I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the definition of "abusive" because I always feel its intentional harm and not just totally being emotionally numb.

Abuse isn’t always intentional or considered. Case in point: Munchhausen‘s by proxy

Those parents aren’t considering the damage they’re doing to their children, they’re too focused on their own needs@JarJarBoom

@Fluffy407 isn't Munchhausen‘s by proxy ...pretty much intentional...that you are trying to evoke sympathy from other people through someone else?

@Fluffy407 ALL abusers will, if asked about it, deny or minimize the damage done and will insist none of it was intentional. If you experience it as abuse, and most other people would feel bad if it happened to them, and you have at some point protested or clearly explained your feelings, and it continues as a pattern...that is abuse. Many abuse victims get caught up in trying to understand how "intentional" it was or exactly how the abuser felt or thought about doing it, once again putting the attention on the abuser and his or her problems.

Do you think the intention is to harm the child? No, the intention is to have attention @JarJarBoom