Went to one of my favorite places tonight, a place I shared with someone who was part of my life for a very long time.
Craft cocktails, delicious food, thoughtfully paired wines, fantastic live jazz. It’s swanky and cool and one of those places that has always felt a little bit magical to me.
And, over the years, evenings here sometimes led to some very sexy, very playful moments with him.
Tonight was my first time back since we ended.
I thought about him often.
There were so many little moments when my instinct was still to tell him something. A song. A drink. Something funny. Something suggestive. Something I knew he would understand in exactly the way I meant it.
And then I would remember that I can’t do that anymore.
It’s such a strange, sad feeling to realize that someone who occupied so many years and thousands of conversations is simply no longer part of your life.
As if that weren’t enough, the band played “Through the Eyes of Love.”
And then, immediately afterward, they played the song I was named after.
Seriously, Universe?
First the rain I had to rush out into and got caught in earlier today. Now this.
sigh
I know there are going to be a lot of firsts without him. The first rain. The first night here. The first song. The first trip. The first time something happens that I would have immediately run to tell him.
Apparently the Universe has decided subtlety is overrated and we’re just going with immersion therapy.
Okay. I get it.
I know I have to learn how to live in a world where he isn’t part of my everyday life anymore.
I’m receiving the message loud and clear.
You could maybe space the lessons out a little, though.
In the moment, I felt my heart I felt the things inside of me It made me realize in the present That never will I be free
Of the things that led me here Or what those things might mean But determined I shall remain And to myself be seen
To recognize the way things are And to work towards my acceptace Of all the things that's come to pass Within my own repentence
And be it there my soul to lie Upon this broken floor No more shall I sit and writhe Behind this closing door
And in the memories I'll survive To taste the bitter sweetness And to myself I shall grant Grace and true forgiveness
~The Snowdog ***********************************
Seriously..., You make me wanna cry sometimes. But honestly, I need to save the few tears I have left. You're amazing and wonderful and I wish things were a little bit different.
I hope you have nice dreams, my friend. Tomorrow is another day.
@HikingMan You’re lovely. Thank you so much for being here for me through this. The friends I’ve made here are truly amazing, and I am so grateful. Yes, tomorrow is always another day. I know that well. I’ll be ok. Just watch me. :)
I'm hoored to have met you and to have this opportunity to be your friend. I feel you and what you're going through and I can only thank you for helping me in ways you don't even recognize.
Every time something like this happens, you can feel the gods poking and prodding at you. Who knows why misery multiplies? But this script has always played out, and we're here to talk about it. 🤗
Subtlety has never been the universe's strong suit. It started with a bang and hasn't let up in a while. However instead of making so many points all at once, maybe it could consider putting at least some of them in an email?
