My bf confessed something horrible to me about a month ago. He did this over 9 years ago. But I can’t stop thinking about it.

You know I just want to look at him the same way I did before he told me what he did.

I love him the same, I do everything for him, I’m loyal and when I’m with him I forget everything.

It’s when I’m alone or we’re not talking that I start to think. I love him the same, but before I would day dream about us together and our future.
Now I feel like there’s a black shadow always following me around. I don’t day dream about him and I anymore- it’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t. When I think about something it’s usually about what he did.

I just want to forget all about it and day dream about us like I did before.

I feel like a lot of this is also my fault. Before he confessed me this I just thought he was the perfect man. No faults, no big regrets, nothing stupid he’s done, and after being with him for 8 months he tells me this. It’s like the dream is over.

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daydeeo · 61-69, M

If you really love him, I wouldnt let this end your relationship. As difficult as it must be, you need to talk to him - or talk to somebody - so that you can put it into perspective.
One thing to consider: he was being honest with you. You dont want to react so badly that he'll never want to open up to you again. Talk to him about it.

Neoerectus · M

This could be much worse. Assuming it was consensual, it should be noted that a fair number of places do not prohibit this. A sibling would make me pause, but a cousin, not so much.

In the US, first-cousin marriage is fully legal in Colorado, California, and New York, restricted or conditional in several others, and completely illegal or a criminal offense in about eight states.

Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M

Well, don’t leave us hanging off the edge of our seat. What was the confession?

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Munumbis · 46-50, M

@AnonymousJSS Jesus Christ people marry their first cousins. Granted it's usually Indians doing that but it does happen.

Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M

@AnonymousJSS Well I mean, it could’ve been worse. In many cultures this is normal. And here in the US it was normal for many decades.

Munumbis · 46-50, M

@Quetzalcoatlus True. Wouldn't be my idea of a thing to do but depending on where you're from I guess.

Mrnotsonew · 56-60, M

Damn straight up incest. Not good.

Baremine · 70-79, C

@Mrnotsonew but totally legal in most places. 8 years ago? Before you were in the picture??
My husband has forgiven me for a lot more than that. And I am truly grateful. What he forgave me for was after he was in the picture.
We have a lot of stupid in our really late teens.

Bumbles · 56-60, M

Really annoying you don’t say what he did.

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Bumbles · 56-60, M

@AnonymousJSS Oh, not great. Well, I think it’s awesome he told you. A marriage is a long thing, and people make really bad mistakes. No marriage goes the distance without real love based forgiveness. We’re too imperfect.

AnonymousJSS · F

@Bumbles With your life experience would you say most people have done truly horrible things they regret?

Bumbles · 56-60, M

@AnonymousJSS Probably not most (and it could have been worse) but many people who you know and respect certainly have. Feeling shame never really goes away. Your bf trusted you enough to tell you. That’s a lot. I don’t know the circumstances, so you’ll need to determine if there is something more serious going on.

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