5th of July 2026

Oh well my wife and I had a long heart to heart. Much of it on how she has screwed up her life, and mine as well. Mostly around her running up debts which I had to pay off. Her affair/s (I don't know if it was one or more) which she had lied about whilst telling me I was the man of her dreams, the only man she ever wanted, needed and so forth. And my regrets that I kept trying to sort things out, kept thinking we could be a really happy couple. She is probably the only person I"ve been totally honest with about my dressing, my sexuality and much else - and that I don't understand why I've stayed with her, and to be fair she wonders the same.
And now she's going downhill with her brain issues, the loss of memory and I know who's going to be having to deal with looking after her, paying the bills etc. Is it selfish of me to wonder why it's all on me again?
And I know there's probably nothing I can do to change things. I am do depressed.

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CassandraSissy · 26-30, T

Big things to deal with there, sweetie.

Private carers and/or placement (care homes) don't come cheap. Financially, you might have to sell the property and downsize - if that could be a thing - if you think you could do that.

Sometimes the best you can do for someone is to let the more experts deal with it all.

I do worry, sometimes, about my family. Mum and dad still have, I hope, many years still left in them, sweetie, but even so those thoughts do enter my head.

Big hugs...

🫂

ninalanyon · 70-79, TVIP

First I'll reiterate that I'm probably the last person you should listen to for relationship advice.

Nonetheless, as everyone who knows me even briefly realizes, I have an opinion on everything.

So here goes. You seem like a good person, and that means it probably is on you to look after her until the time when it would be right for her to go into a care home. Could you with a clear conscience abandon her now? It seems unlikely to me regardless of whether it would objectively be the right or wrong thing to do for her or for yourself

But, you must think of yourself. I feel that if you don't start living for yourself, to whatever degree it is now possible, you will just become embittered.

My wife died before any of these issues became a reality for me so I can't claim to speak from experience. And I'm confident that my wife didn't have an affair. But in the end we were a poor match for each other and I had already started to feel resentful. Had she lived I'm quite certain that I would now be considerably less happy then I am because I would feel unable to leave her at this late stage. And had she started to suffer as your wife has I simply don't think I could cope.

I'm starting to wander from the immediate point so I'll end by just saying that only saints can devote themselves to others without thinking of themselves. For the rest of us a balance has to be struck between devotion and self interest. I suspect I would have failed the test but you don't have to.

Fukfacewillie · 56-60, M

You are a good person, and that sometimes doesn’t come with a movie happy ending. You are not alone in your struggles, though. I hope u can find some peace.

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