I forget …. Finally

I don’t remember the last time he was cold or I felt rejected. I haven’t been able to say that in … ha…. also longer than I can remember. He says nice things now. He feels like my friend. Even in the beginning he didn’t feel like my friend. We talk enough now that we’ve actually noticed a few areas where we disagree, and that’s a chuckle after all this time. He touches me now, not just when he wants sex. I lose count of how often he’s brushed kisses across the back of my neck, rubbed my shoulders, just stood there behind me with his hands on my hips while I’m at the sink or folding laundry and chattered on about whatever, came to wherever I was just to kiss me. Sex doesn’t feel humiliating anymore, but it’s getting to be fun and free bit by bit. Being the graceful soul I am, I very loudly and completely knocked a display off the end of an aisle at the grocery store Saturday while he was off somewhere else, and he came along just as I was finishing putting everything back, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the top of the head. When he does that, I feel completely enveloped in warmth, completely soothed and safe. I don’t think men know the real power of their arms. I wonder how often I look like a deer in the headlights. I certainly feel like one. Will it ever stop feeling marvelously weird and just feel marvelous? Will I ever lose this little piece holding back waiting for the rejection? It’s an unexpected and very interesting place we’ve landed in. The longer it lasts, the more I find myself happy to have experienced it, even if it does prove temporary. I never thought I’d get to have this at all. We just sort of roll along with life and see where it takes us, and sometimes it takes us someplace really nice. ☺