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Alifeinterrupted You said the exact words I was searching for. I could not have said it better when you said, "I think you’re right that part of the pain is mourning what I thought I had, not just the person." That's wisdom right there. That's honest, raw, and the very fact that you acknowledge that is just amazing. That's when we heal, the minute we tell ourselves the truth. This truth always sets us free and that is the very key to getting out of this terrible feeling. That's the smartest thing you could have said. It's very hard to look at ourselves honestly sometimes but this shows real maturity and growth and I'm very proud of you for that because some women never come to that realization but you're open for learning and change. You are absolutely amazing. Look how far you've come already in just a short time. Be proud of that, because that's the first step to loving yourself and respecting yourself enough to tell yourself the truth and not get hung up on other people or things. That's the first step to healing... telling yourself the truth. Always remember that that is the key to Healing! I'm telling you that is the key to untangling the webs in our mind. You see after 10 years of him lying to me and telling me that he loved me more than anybody in the whole world and he told me his dad would always tell his mom that he loved her to the Moon and I thought that was so beautiful and he told me the same thing and it's not that we're naive or stupid, at all! Not at all. It's not right for people to pretend if they don't mean what they say. That's all. He never should have lied to me. Never should have told me what he thought I wanted to hear. And yeah it was nice all right I mean who wouldn't like it if they think the person is being sincere, but when you deliberately go out of your way and lie to someone, it's sure not your fault that you believed it. This is deception and abuse, to lie someone that long. And you know what I found out? And I'll tell you exactly the same thing and you must believe me cuz I'm telling you the truth. Mark this down. Write this in your heart. If he walked away that easily, none of this was about you in any way, shape, or form. Let that soak into your spirit. None of this was your fault and none of this was about you! In our loneliness we might believe that truly in our heart, but let me tell you something, that's not true. If someone walks away that easily, it is definitely not about you! Has nothing to do with you. Nothing. This is simply a person that was emotionally unavailable. They weren't looking for someone! And even if they were, we cannot blame ourselves that people have special preferences and that has nothing to do with you either. Everybody can't like the same kind of person and that's no reflection on you. It's only that people have their own preferences, that's what they like, and that's what they're going to look for. That's just it. Nothing to do with you. Nothing you did wrong. They simply prefer another type person, and really..... can we blame them? I mean we're looking for a special type person, so why can't they? It's not that you weren't pretty enough or good enough, at all. No. None of that, but that's exactly what we end up telling ourselves anyway, we
lie to ourselves. Sometimes a person would do anything to stay away from feeling that hurt, but it's just the opposite. It's when we Face the hurt that we begin to heal! Not avoid it. Face it head on and get the job done. That's what I do, that's what I believe. And it works. Anytime you tell yourself the real truth, it works. We try and try and try but let's face it. We cannot lie to ourselves and think we can get by with it. We only cause ourselves more pain and we keep ourselves from healing faster that way. I said to myself the guy wanted to go, then good! I don't need people who are toxic to me that way. I love and my and respect myself a lot more than that.
I guess my boyfriend was just so selfish that he thought I would just dry up and blow away in the wind if he said he wasn't my boyfriend. He underested made me, drastically. I would rather be told the
truth than wallow in a LIE. I would have been perfectly fine if the man had said, "well, you know, you're a really nice lady and I really like you, even as a friend, but I'm just not in love with you. You're just not my type." Now that would have been the thing to do. I'm not so fragile I can't handle the truth. It's when we're not told the truth that tears us up. All we want is honesty. "Tell me the truth!!!" I can handle the truth if I'm an adult! I'm mature enough to not fall apart if he happens to tell me he doesn't love me. And you know what this teaches us? This teaches us a very good lesson that will take with us the rest of our lives. A very important lesson. When you know better, you do better. Secondly, stay away from toxic people who could care less if they lie to you. That's a red flag and when I see people like that you know what I want to do and do you know what I do? I don't walk away. I run away from those type jerks as fast as I can, emotionally. I want no part of these type toxic people. And to keep someone like that in my life, is not loving myself and is not respecting myself. I simply won't have it. Boundaries are more important than anything. And you never let people cross them or they'll never respect you. I won't have toxic people in my life. I don't care who they are. I don't care if I love them to death, they are not going to hang around with me or call me or contact me. I'm not some sucker they can use. I'm worth more than that. I'm enough, and so are you. You just have to practice your boundaries more and not settle for anybody or anything that is less than good for you. That's when you get ahead and you don't repeat the mistakes you've made. You try to remember what you learned from them and try not to repeat them. Don't give in and don't settle. You're better than that and you deserve better than that. If you love yourself you'll know that. You're going to be okay. Because you're going to practice self-love and self-respect. You are going to realize you're worth and that's not determined by other people.
The good thing is, next time you'll know won't you? Yes! You're set up and good to go! Next time you'll recognize those red flags right away! You're going to heal just fine and like I said, life is full of challenges and there will always be challenges, but stay on your toes, watch for your red flags, because when you know better you'll do better. There's somebody out there right now looking for someone like you. Someone that love you for who you are and will treat you with respect and love that you deserve. But don't settle and don't give too much, too soon. People don't appreciate that. They take advantage of you when they see you giving too much, too soon. Keep your secrets to yourself and guard your heart. Never move too soon. First and foremost, develop a solid friendship, don't fall too soon which I know that's very hard cuz I've been there, but now you know to take caution about that. Love yourself first and make sure you are okay first. Get to know this person and listen real careful cuz then you will find out who they really are when you listen. When you just sit and listen and observe. Not just mentally and not making presumptions, but really listening and seeing who they are and how they treat their mother and how they treat other people in the family. Things like that. How they react when they're angry. Those things tell you a whole lot. People will show you who they are if you'll just be patient and watch and listen. Most of all, guard your heart. People can say anything. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. Never go with a hot head! Never go with one who is domineering and just wants to control your every move. Nor one that has no patience. Never go with a bully. And don't forget that people change after they think they have you so be real careful. All is not as it appears. See how he interacts with family when they make him mad. How close is he to his mother and does he show her respect? If he doesn't show her respect, he's not going to show you respect. And anyone who doesn't allow you to be yourself, leave! Don't even go with such a person don't even entertain that kind of a person. You're going to be just fine. It's not what happens to us, it's what we do with what we have left, that counts. We have two choices. We can let it make us or we can let it break us and I was not about to let him break me. I'm a strong woman today because of what I've learned and what I have not allowed in my life. We only get one life and it's too short to waste on toxic people. Never let anyone cross your boundaries. You will lose all the respect they had for you, if there was any.
