Staying in a relationship I know isn’t right, just to not be alone?

I’m in a relationship with my partner of 7 years, and lately, I’ve been feeling more and more isolated, even though I’m not technically “alone.” Emotionally, I feel like I am.

I live near my mom and three sisters, but I don’t really have their support either. They’ve always seen me as the strong one, the one who can handle anything. So when I’m struggling or hurting, it’s like they just assume I’ll be fine and don’t check in. It makes me feel unseen and emotionally dismissed.

When I try to lean on my partner, especially during tough times with family or life in general, he tends to get annoyed or shut down. He doesn’t offer emotional support, and it’s becoming clearer that I’m in this relationship alone, even though we’re together. I feel like he is more disconnected than ever before.

What’s complicated is that I’ve been divorced before, and I think a part of me is scared to “fail” again. I’ve been trying to make this work, but deep down I know it’s not a healthy or fulfilling relationship. I think I’m staying out of fear…fear of being truly alone.

Has anyone else felt this way? Like you’re clinging to something you know isn’t right, just so you’re not alone? How did you find the strength to let go and put yourself first?

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being · 36-40, F

Hi Sunnyday... I am coming from an opposite route in life where I haven't stayed with anyone for a variety of reasons. So, unlike the divorced people who have had similar experiences to you, I cannot imagine how things turn cold after years, I've never stayed to experience it.

But experiencing myself and myself alone, I can see how I have my good years and less good years so far. There are these bright and vibrant months and then there are the harder ones.
So I assume, this happens to most people. To the point where I am, if I were given a partner to live with, very hypothetically, I would try and try and try. I would consider them part of myself and I would try to find understanding, patience for the bad times, willingness to celebrate the good.
But again this doesn't come from experience with another person, but how I am working with loving myself and being there for myself. I would say, why don't you behave like you are by yourself for a while? Instead of taking a permanent decision, act like it ..?
MM maybe I'm not the best couple advisor, I just felt compelled to answer.

OzDiver · 61-69, M

I felt every syllable of your post.

This almost perfectly describes my marriage, which ended with a whimper and simply faded out despite everything I tried to encourage my wife to communicate with me.

I didn't want it to end and it still hurts me that it did. It may take me a long time to heal, and to accept that it was the best thing really.

I wish you clarity as you navigate this difficult time.

Peace and love to you.

James25 · 61-69, M

I think that you have answered your own question. To have the strength to let go and put yourself first. If your family and your partner don't recognize the need to help you then you need to help yourself. You need to seek a relationship where there is a willingness to help each other. You need to recognize within the beginning of a relationship whether there is a willingness to help each other. This may be difficult for you to recognize. But you must learn to recognize the truth of the relationship within its beginning stages so as to not to make the same mistakes again.

The other thing you can do is try and have a more meaningful conversation with your family to help them understand that sometimes you need their help.

Magicianzini · M

Many of the loneliest times I've had in my life have been in relationships. I've become a lot less lonely now since avoiding relationships.

Take from this what you will.

Spectre128 · 51-55, M

He might be showing some signs of autism, inability to recognise when you need help.
If so, then it won't help, but at least you might understand how his mind ticks, and you might be able to find ways of explaining yourself to him. Of course it might be that he just has no empathy too!

Sunnyday · 51-55, F

@Spectre128 Absolutely agree with you on the lack of empathy. That’s exactly why, when I try to explain how he can support me, he gets defensive, annoyed, and his ego takes a hit. Instead of listening, he ends up deflecting or gaslighting.

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

Has anyone else felt this way? Like you’re clinging to something you know isn’t right, just so you’re not alone?

Yes.

How did you find the strength to let go and put yourself first?

I didn't.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

No, I really wanted to stay with my wife. There were times I wanted to leave because it got boring, but all considered she was so sweet and funny and loving that it was a great relationship.

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