I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die of stress at 50.
I was raised to believe that the way people around me act toward me is directly related to my value as a person and yet anytime I ever express anything closely resembling a boundary or a feeling, someone older and wiser will just deflect, correct, or completely ignore me because it doesn't matter and then everyone will move on like that didn't just happen. Then it's immediately back to people pleasing for me.
I can think of times I felt loved and happy as a kid. They were there. But I can also think of times I was hurt physically and emotionally and just NOBODY gave a damn. I was always forced to bear the brunt of interpersonal challenges while everyone else in my (numerous) family used age or physical toughness as a defense.
It still happens today.
No wonder I have feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
I really wanna drink. I also want someone in my real life who I feel comfortable with but I know that a more accessible comfort is alcohol.
I can think of times I felt loved and happy as a kid. They were there. But I can also think of times I was hurt physically and emotionally and just NOBODY gave a damn. I was always forced to bear the brunt of interpersonal challenges while everyone else in my (numerous) family used age or physical toughness as a defense.
It still happens today.
No wonder I have feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
I really wanna drink. I also want someone in my real life who I feel comfortable with but I know that a more accessible comfort is alcohol.
