Have you ever been taken advantage of in a relationship?

@DeWayfarer
Did you win?

@swirlie Nope. Not really in the end. I have been alone now for two decades. And I doubt that will change now.

Heck none of my past friends even know that I still exist.

I was the person, that if they couldn't understand English and taxes, I would help them with the taxes.

I was the person, if they needed a babysitter, they could ask and I would do it, for nothing.

I was the person, that if a strange family asked for groceries, I would buy groceries for the whole family.

I was the person, that if asked for a tool they needed and if I had it, I would lend it.

I was the person, if asked to house sit and take care of the pets, I would. And then do all the dishes they forgot to wash. For nothing.

I was the person, that if someone were drunk and sick enough to vomit, would walk them around the building. Making sure they were alright.

I was the person, that if they were abused, needed shelter and asked me, I would take them in. Countless times over. Including their kids.

Would I do it all again? Very likely.

BTW I have actually been asked to beta test on this site and have for nothing.

This all points to how important a community really is though.

@DeWayfarer



Actually, you DID win in the end because you fulfilled all those things you did which you were suppose to do while you were here on earth. If you were not suppose to do them, you would not have done them and someone else would have done all those things you did for all those people. Therefore, you WON and therefore, you succeeded!

None of your friends from back then even know that you still exist because they are not suppose to be in your life right now. If they were, then they'd still be here asking you for favors. Instead, someone else is answering their call for assistance.

Here's the bottom line though... if you did all those things of charity that you did for others and did everything with NO expectations at all from them to the outcome, then you'd feel no need to raise issue with ANY of it today which to the contrary, you are raising issue with right now.

What this tells us is that you have the 'disease to please', you've never learned how to say "NO" and... you are a people-pleaser by nature. People who are people-pleasers are people who have low self-esteem and low self-confidence in themselves.

But here's the thing... you will only do for others IF you receive something in return from them, which can amount to nothing more than an acknowledgment from them of the kindness that you extended to them. All you needed from any of them is for them to say "thanks", but I'm sure very few of them did.

When they did NOT acknowledge your kindness but instead took advantage of your good nature, you felt duped in the end, you felt like you'd been taken advantage of and screwed-over by your friends who were in need.

IF however, you had no hidden expectations from any of them, then it wouldn't matter if they acknowledged your efforts or not! But the truth is, you DID have a hidden expectation for your efforts!

That is why when you do something for someone out of the goodness of your heart, you really have to take a step back and ask yourself 'why' you are doing this for them? What is your agenda for 'DOING' for others all the time? ...what are you needing to get out of it?, is what you have to ask yourself.

If you are DOING for others just as a random act of kindness for which you want NO acknowledgment from, that's fine... but if you harbor an expectation from people that they acknowledge you in some meaningful way AFTER you voluntarily do something for them, then all of your kindness has strings attached... and you are not performing random acts of kindness unconditionally.

Instead, you are performing random acts of kindness for other people with conditions attached to your efforts which those people are not aware of.

Those conditions are, that they acknowledge you in some meaningful way to boost your self-esteem. You draw energy from the acknowledgment of others which is where you source all of your own energy in life from.

That is why you've been alone for the past 2 decades, because you left yourself dependent on others to fix that for you which they didn't nor could they. You thought that by doing all those kind things for other people that you would be rewarded in some meaningful way as a form of reciprocation, but never happened.

It is not someone else's job to make sure you're not alone, that is our job.

It is also our job to make sure that we look after our OWN needs FIRST, before we ever attempt to look after the needs of someone else.

That is one of the Laws of the Universe, to 'look after yourself first'... and only then will you be in a position to serve others after your own needs have been taken care of first.

@swirlie In none of that diatribe do you say what I or anyone else is winning. 😆

With each person that is different. Each person wins in their own respective ways. Not according to YOUR perspective.

I don't care what you believe what my statement meant TO YOU. It is solely my perspective. And can not possibly be YOUR perspective.

No one is the same.

Life is change. And that IS A PROVEN law even in mathematics and physics.

Because everything changes.

Your greed based theories are nothing but theories, that have not only not been proven, yet actually have been disproven repeatedly. It only takes one disproof to disprove.

Just by the fact there's is a second derivative mathematically proves that everything changes. Because that is the rate in which even change, changes.

It's the very definition of what a second derivative is.

Oh that is right. You don't understand calculus nor even life's infinities which is the basis of life AND CALCULUS.

It's all from your own perspective. There is no such thing as a group perspective. Because a group perspective doesn't include EVERYONE.

Yes all 8.2 plus billion. And keep on increasing it while you're at it.

Because even that changes.

Your so called job is irrelevant by ALL of this! Because you can't possibly integrate infinite infinities.

You can only attempt it from YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

@swirlie bottom line really is you are a greedy capitalist attempting to justify a invalid system, both socially and mathematically.

BTW My majors was both in computer systems and mathematics. That's two degrees that both support the other.

@swirlie my comment wasn't for you though. You CHOSE TO DEBATE THIS ISSUE WITH ME!

The burden of proof is on you and you should know it.

You haven't proved a thing. Just vague accusations.

I have stated what is and you accuse.

@swirlie that was my reply to you not my comment.

This is my comment:

https://similarworlds.com/relationships/5369520-Have-you-ever-been-taken-advantage-of-in-a-relationship?rid=63702321

You can't do the same with my reply.

You are accusing the whole way through.

Here is how your comment started:


You are either very confused, or you know I'm right and can't think of a way out.

@swirlie THAT IS A REPLY TO YOU!

You obviously don't know how to follow links. This is my comment.

@DeWayfarer
That is correct. That is also what I quoted from you.

Nobody replied to your first comment except ME!

This leads us to where we are now! Please try to keep up!

@swirlie If you haven't noticed most of the comments on this post don't have replies.

@DeWayfarer

But if you'll notice, your's did!

What's your point?

@swirlie that you didn't need to reply at all. I'm not that lonely! 😆

@DeWayfarer
Yes you are! If you weren't that lonely, you wouldn't be trying to blame all the people you helped in the past for the fact that you've been alone for the past 2 decades.

@swirlie listen I been in a social debate with markpaul this whole time and my cat is begging for attention. I truly have had my hands full.

@DeWayfarer
So, you're trying to tell me that you're bored already?

@swirlie I'm saying that my comment stands perfectly fine on its own. It doesn't need debate.

The question was subjective. And my comment to it was subjective.

That was my perspective. Obviously not yours.

@JackDaniels funny your reply was hidden.

She might not have even noticed it.

@DeWayfarer Maybe or just ignoring.

@JackDaniels I mention it because three hidden replies on a single comment triggers a warning. Yours is the second.

There's no disabling a triggered warning.

@DeWayfarer Thanks