Falling for a narcissist
From day one he’d love bombed me. Showered me with expensive gifts, sent me chocolates. He’d even bought me a passport and took me to Venice. Within a year he’d bought us a house big enough for our joint families.
Blindly I allowed him to control my life not realising his true intentions. We had the same passcodes for our phones and he’d activated the tracker. He said he’d done it so I’d know when he was returning from his work trips. I remember at least one time he’d called asking where I was because the app had said I was somewhere else. I was on the school run and he could hear the kids in the background. I’d discarded the conversation thinking nothing of it. I realise how naive I was now. I was too eager to believe that his actions were because he loved me.
I now believe he never loved me and is probably incapable of loving anyone (he once asked how I could love his parents because he didn’t. I also had ignored this screaming red flag). He had been obsessed with me. Once that obsession ended so did any kindness. The pedal stool he’d put me on was yanked away. He changed his passcode, disabled me being able to track him and never let his phone out. He stopped texting and calling me throughout the day. Then he stopped coming home unless his kids were there and even then he’d sleep on the sofa.
He told me he just needed space to get his head straight and that I couldn’t talk to anyone about our problems otherwise they’d be no going back. While my heart broke he forced me to smile for the rest of the world. We took the kids out for the day and I posted the pictures to Facebook. Within seconds he was in my face telling me to take it down.
Eventually I broke and started talking to my sister and a friend who lived miles away. They both tried convincing me to leave and told me he was cheating. All the warning signs were there and still I refused to believe them.
I let this play out for 7 months before I left. By then I was hollow and so broken. I spent most of every day in tears, self harming and wishing for death. I actually hated having kids knowing I couldn’t kill myself because of them. The worst thing was he made me think that this was all my fault. Even now I can’t understand why he kept me around and couldn’t just end it. He was beyond cruel.
Blindly I allowed him to control my life not realising his true intentions. We had the same passcodes for our phones and he’d activated the tracker. He said he’d done it so I’d know when he was returning from his work trips. I remember at least one time he’d called asking where I was because the app had said I was somewhere else. I was on the school run and he could hear the kids in the background. I’d discarded the conversation thinking nothing of it. I realise how naive I was now. I was too eager to believe that his actions were because he loved me.
I now believe he never loved me and is probably incapable of loving anyone (he once asked how I could love his parents because he didn’t. I also had ignored this screaming red flag). He had been obsessed with me. Once that obsession ended so did any kindness. The pedal stool he’d put me on was yanked away. He changed his passcode, disabled me being able to track him and never let his phone out. He stopped texting and calling me throughout the day. Then he stopped coming home unless his kids were there and even then he’d sleep on the sofa.
He told me he just needed space to get his head straight and that I couldn’t talk to anyone about our problems otherwise they’d be no going back. While my heart broke he forced me to smile for the rest of the world. We took the kids out for the day and I posted the pictures to Facebook. Within seconds he was in my face telling me to take it down.
Eventually I broke and started talking to my sister and a friend who lived miles away. They both tried convincing me to leave and told me he was cheating. All the warning signs were there and still I refused to believe them.
I let this play out for 7 months before I left. By then I was hollow and so broken. I spent most of every day in tears, self harming and wishing for death. I actually hated having kids knowing I couldn’t kill myself because of them. The worst thing was he made me think that this was all my fault. Even now I can’t understand why he kept me around and couldn’t just end it. He was beyond cruel.
