What is micro-cheating, you may wonder? It refers to the small ways in which your partner betrays your trust without engaging in physical infidelity. While they may not be physically cheating on you, these actions can be a slippery slope toward emotional cheating, which can be just as painful as physical betrayal. When your partner engages in micro-cheating, whether consciously or subconsciously, it signals a lack of respect for you and a willingness to breach the trust in your relationship. The boundaries of what constitutes micro-cheating can vary significantly from couple to couple, depending on their unique dynamics and individual limits. In a time when "open relationships" are becoming more common, the definition of a successful relationship seems to evolve. However, in my view, cheating is cheating—whether it manifests as physical or emotional betrayal. Let's explore this topic further.
1. In a relationship and still looking at dating sights.
The first sign that your partner may be micro-cheating is if they are still using dating sites while you are in an official relationship. While I understand that if someone has "forgotten" to delete a dating app from their phone, this should still raise suspicion. However, if they not only have dating apps on their phone but are actively using them despite being in a committed relationship, it indicates micro-cheating with the intent to cheat. No one is active on dating apps just to "see what's out there." If you’re in a relationship, there’s no need to browse; you should be focusing on nurturing your genuine partnership. This situation is a slippery slope, and I personally wouldn’t trust or continue dating someone who refuses to delete their dating apps and accounts. It only takes five minutes to create a new account, and if you're already in a committed relationship, there's really no reason to be on dating apps.
2. Talking to their ex-partner behind your back
Talking to an ex-partner behind your current partner's back is a form of micro-cheating. I understand that there’s a shared history, but that’s where it should stay— in the past. If children are involved, it makes sense to maintain some communication with an ex to discuss parenting matters and scheduling. However, if there are no children and no good reason to keep in touch, I believe ex-partners should not remain friends. Especially when both individuals are in new relationships and have moved on, there’s no need to carry past baggage into a fresh start. It doesn’t matter if the breakup was amicable or if they're on civil terms; a simple birthday greeting or occasional check-ins a few times a year should suffice if it’s truly necessary. There’s no reason to maintain constant communication years after a breakup. If the relationship ended on bad terms, such as infidelity or significant betrayal, it’s best to let go and allow each other to move on with their lives. If you genuinely care about your ex, you should want them to be happy with their new partner.
3. Not actually publicly admitting you're in a monogamous and serious relationship
It's perfectly acceptable to share that you're in a relationship on Facebook or other forms of social media. Not doing so can be seen as micro-cheating and is a big red flag. You might argue that your partner doesn't use social media or feels uncomfortable discussing their private life. However, if you want to date me and you’re active on social media, you should be open about being in a relationship. You don’t have to disclose intimate details about your relationship just because you’re in one. If your partner has no social media presence—though it's quite unusual these days—then they should at least introduce you to their friends, family, coworkers, and other important people in their life. If they aren’t willing to do that, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
4. Being suddenly overprotective of their phone.
Some people choose to keep their phones private to maintain their individuality, while others may need to be protective of their devices due to work restrictions. However, if you once had permission to access your partner's phone and that has changed, it could be a warning sign. Similarly, if your partner now carries their phone around more often when they used to leave it near you, this may also indicate something is off. I understand that our phones are essential to our everyday lives. Many people are practically attached to their devices, taking them everywhere—even to the bathroom, which is a rather unappealing habit. If your partner exhibits unusual behaviors with their phone, such as refusing to let you get close to it or having secret conversations in another room with the door closed, they might be micro-cheating. Cell phones have made it easier for people to be unfaithful because they provide instant access to almost anyone from your past. This can be particularly tempting for someone who lacks impulse control or discipline. Therefore, it's important to stay vigilant about any strange behaviors related to phone use. While it's normal to be connected to our phones, we can often recognize when something suspicious is happening. No one should be more absorbed in their phone than the person they are in a relationship with. If they're not micro-cheating, it still reflects poor manners, and nobody wants to date someone who lacks consideration.
5. This one is just plain ridiculous, but it happens time and time again.
Some people may openly claim their partner on social media, but when they're out alone or with friends, they might act like they’re single in order to pursue a one-night stand. In fact, some even go to the extent of removing their wedding ring to increase their chances of finding someone to hook up with. While many won't actually cheat, they still seek attention from the opposite sex and enjoy flirting. However, if your partner engages in this behavior, it can feel just as hurtful as cheating. It indicates that they are not fulfilled in the relationship and are willing to seek validation elsewhere. Personally, I think one should rather be single than be with someone who has this mindset. It’s best to get away from someone like that quickly.
6. Excessively liking photos of people of the opposite sex can be considered micro-cheating.
This issue can apply to both people your partner knows and random models on Instagram or TikTok. Liking an old classmate's photo on Facebook occasionally isn't cheating. However, if your partner frequently likes pictures of people they know, it might be worth considering their intentions. Are they trying to get that old classmate's attention to spark a conversation that could lead to something more? It may seem harmless if your partner likes photos of random Instagram models since they don’t know them personally and may never meet them in real life. But you might wonder, what's the harm in that? In my opinion, it’s quite disrespectful. Why spend time looking at revealing photos of other men or women when they could be investing that time in the relationship they’re already in? It feels shady to me. This is one of the reasons many relationships struggle; one or both partners are more focused on social media than on nurturing their real-life connection. I hope their phone will keep them warm at night when things go wrong. There are many other signs that someone might be micro-cheating, but these are some of the most significant. Ultimately, only you can determine what you will and will not accept in your relationship. I’ve known many people who choose to ignore these behaviors simply because they want to be in a relationship. Please don’t tolerate micro-cheating just to stay with a partner who engages in it. Remember that there are others out there who share your morals and values and won’t exhibit this kind of behavior. While decent people may be fewer in the dating world, discovering that one-in-a-million diamond in the rough makes the search worthwhile. In the meantime, know your worth, and don’t settle for less. Focus on improving yourself so that when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready for them.
7. Being suddenly overprotective of their phone.
Some individuals prefer to keep their phones private to maintain their personal space and individuality. Others may need to be protective of their devices due to work restrictions. However, a change in this behavior could indicate a problem in a relationship. For example, if you previously had permission to access your partner’s phone but no longer do, this might be a red flag. Similarly, if your partner starts carrying their phone around more often when they used to leave it near you, it could also be a sign of concern.
8. Having a burner/secret phone.
If they’re not trying to evade the law—hopefully, that’s not the case—then why do they have a second phone? While harmless secondary phones, such as work phones, do exist, some individuals use burner phones for cheating. In fact, some cheaters start stepping out early in their relationships, which means their daily habits may not change. Therefore, if you have concerns about your partner’s new or long-standing second phone, this could be a warning sign.
