I am so tired of living with a depressed wife

She is sitting there browsing her phone. That is why she paused the TV series she watches every day for hours.
She woke up during the night and was on her phone until she took the children to school. Obviously shouting with them why they were not ready on time.
She is full of fears. She fears of the future, fears of the financial situation, the future of the children. She cannot stand if something is not the way she wants. Interestingly she has energy to shout and yell. Several times a day.

But I am tired. I am tired of working in multiple jobs. I am tired of doing a full time work and running my business in after hours. I am tired of being neglected and ignored. I am tired of being forgotten. I am tired of working on positivity with children after they flooded with negativity from their mother.
I am tired of life. This life.

She is sitting there. I am looking at her. I know somewhere below the surface there is that woman I loved. The one who was fun, intellectually exciting, full of energy and positivity. Even sexy, mind you. I have not seen that woman for more than 10 years.

Nothing I do can change her way. Well, it's not entirely true, because I really can make things worse if I wanted. But I can't do anything to improve the situation. The best I can do is to conserve it. But I don't want it. I want a new life. We learned in Biology you can start a new life whitout closing another. That is a lie.

You have to kill something first to start something new. You know what most people fear to become a criminal? The guilt. Not the legal consequences.
My wife is dependending on me. At the minimum, financially. I can't do it.

I lost this life. Maybe the next one will be luckier.

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

Everyone has fears and phobias ( your wife )
With all of those fears and phobias your wife has and looking at it from the outside and in my case I done it myself you be trying to get everything right on the outside and fix something on the inside ( your soul ) .
The depression comes and back to me in my case is failing . All the depression is comes from that thinking and you be trying to sort everything out from the outside .
I give you credit where there's credit due with yourself you seen to come across a very stable man . A good husband .
Your frustration is coming from doing everything and with your wife depressed your good enough failed .
That puts a strain in relationships.
Why ?
After awhile without you known it you start personalize everything . It's another form of hurting yourself making it out that your good enough is not good enough .
You end up personalizing especially being in a relationship for a long time .
It seems your wife is depressed and your in a lot of pain .
I can relate to that about a relationship and my biggest regrets up to this day was that there was no connection no more cause there was no communication with both of us and it ended being toxic . I knew it was going toxic but I was afraid to say it and I ended up in a lot of pain .
I couldn't let go cause I loved her too much and I couldn't do anything to sort it out cause she stopped talking to sort it out .
See the relationship has to work 50 - 50 or else the pack of cards will fall .
You seem a great man 😊

justanotherone · 51-55, M

@riseofthemachine thank you.
I guess lot of us going through hurt and pain. We are all suffering differently but technically at the end it doesn’t matter.
Thank you again.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@justanotherone That's no problem Justan.
Everyone tries there best , but life can hit you at anytime or at any age . I was after getting 3 nervous breakdowns in my life . I was after having a lot experience and do you know when you get through them , do you know what you be saying to yourself . What was that all about 😃😃😃 . Your always searching for peace Justan and it passes you by and at times you need to talk to people to get it .
Me myself and my psychiatrist said it to me cause I was on meds and she said to me I'm the stubborn person she ever met . She was trying to get me on meds for 3 years and I was going up to her crying everytime every 2 weeks for 3 years . You be thinking you can do it alone and a friend said to me you think can do it alone you"ll feel alone

justanotherone · 51-55, M

@riseofthemachine i am sorry to hear what you went through. I hope your life got better now.

riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

@justanotherone I'm getting there with time my friend . There's much improvement. I'm nearly off my meds after 8 years taking them .
I met great people in my life that got me through it . Times then on my own my higher power got through it .
I hope you be ok too my friend